Reconstruction
by Kay Maria
Summary: 100 years after NM. After living a life of heartbreak and sorrow Bella decided to retreat from humanity. When she decides to rejoin the world she is confronted with her past in more ways than one. Can she keep her secrets or will they all be revealed?
1. Chapter 1

Author Note: This is my first attempt at fan fiction and I wanted to try to do something I have yet to see. Vamp Bella has been relatively on her own for a while, although having her adventures along the way. However she finally meets up with the Cullens when a common acquaintance pulls them together. Will she be happy to see them? Are the Cullens even happy to see her? Let me know what you think, but please be constructive. Yet again, I've never done this before!

Kay Maria

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I stood on my back porch and watched the sun sink under the horizon. Another day had come and gone. Another day in this eternal existence, in which nothing really seemed to matter anymore. I remember when I once wanted this life more than anything. I begged for it. If there is a God I have to admire his sense of irony. He did grant my wish and I was granted my eternal life, but I was doomed to live it relatively alone.

Don't get me wrong. I've seen the world, made connections with humans, with vampires, hell even with werewolves, but I never really belonged to any of them. You never truly belong when you are other, not normal, not like them.

I tucked in my pessimistic feelings deep down in my mind and tried to brighten my outlook. Things could be worse, but things just could be better. Maybe my solitary existence that I had been reveling in for the past decade needed to be broken. Maybe it was time to immerse myself in the real world again. So what does an 18-year-old vampire girl do when she has to enter the real world again? She goes back to school.

It was this train of thought that landed me in the North East again. Although I've traveled the world several times over, nothing really felt like home more than the US. Northern US to be more exact. Yet, I still couldn't bring myself to move West though. Too much had happened there in my long life. Too many memories that I shouldn't have clouded my mind that could think too many thoughts at once.

This time I decided to go to Columbia. I had already graduated from practically all of the universities in the northeast besides Columbia, and the thought of high school again made a shiver creep down my spine. A hundred years had not changed the ridiculousness that is the high school student; I don't think any amount of time ever will.

I returned from the porch and went to pack the final boxes that were needed. I admit that I will miss the sunlight. My reprieve from humanity led me to a thousand acre retreat in the middle of Arizona. I needed to be away from everything for a while after almost a century of constant movement in the human or supernatural world, and what better way to do that where you could go out in the sun whenever you wanted?

As I shipped the last of my boxes my intuition was going haywire. I could tell it was trying to tell me something. Something big was going to happen in New York, something that would change my existence. I could feel it in my entire core. I was excited about a change of pace after my decade of monotony, but as I exited my house for a final time I couldn't shake the feeling like I was walking off the plank to my uncertain doom.

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I looked out of my loft's window and gazed down at central park. It truly was amazing compared to the vast emptiness of Southern Arizona's terrain. I thought it would be difficult to be around humans again. Terrified that after no exposure the scent of human blood would pull me into a frenzy, I took several precautions that proved unnecessary. I was no more attracted to them now as I was then, which was pretty much not at all.

"Will that be all Ms. Black?" the concierge asked.

I turned away from my view and walked over to the young man at the door. "Yes, thank you. And please, call me Isabella." I replied while handing him a tip.

He took the tip and blushed slightly at my words. "Of course Isabella. Please let me know if you need anything else," he replied as he left the room and closed the door behind him.

I turned back toward the room and looked at my belongings. I didn't bother to ship my previous furniture. I hardly ever did when I moved. Only a few specific pieces I kept that obviously showed their lack of coordination in the décor. One of which is Charlie's old recliner that always adorned some place in my living room. The old chair had been all over and it would never feel like home without it. When he passed away years ago I made sure that it came into my possession, although his step son couldn't believe anyone would be willing to pay so much for such an 'old piece of junk as he put it'.

Other than the recliner the other pieces were the highest of fashion possible. After all, I had to look the part of the average Columbia attendee I guess, although I couldn't think of a reason anyone would ever be up here.

I spent the rest of the weekend getting adjusted to the human world again. I went out and shopped, talked to my neighbors, even chatted up the doorman, Ryan.

By the time Monday came around it was already the first day of school. Seeing as I had been to college several times over I had to come up with something different to do. I had several PhD's some of which including English, Biology, hell even engineering in a particularly boring period of time several years ago. This time I thought I would go with Psychology. What better way to reconnect with the human race than by studying people who study them?

My first class started at 8:00 in the morning so by 7:00 I was ready and heading out of the building.

"Have a good day Ms. Black. If any of those stuck up Ivy League types gives you any trouble, you send them to me okay?" Ryan said to me as I walked out of the large double doors.

Ryan was the doorman for the daytime shift for most of the week. I had chatted him up a few days ago and we struck an instant bond. In his mid 30's, Ryan was working as a doorman while trying to pay of his wife's school loan debt. I loved his honesty, his distaste for pretentiousness, and above all his protectiveness. I was nice to have someone semi look out for me since I couldn't remember the last time anyone really did.

"You got it Ryan. Tell Melanie I said hi, and for the love of all that is holy, please call me Isabella," I replied back popping open my umbrella. It was nice to be out in the rain again. In fact it had been so long since I've actually seen a decent downpour that I was becoming oddly nostalgic.

"Not a chance Ms. Black. Ladies deserve respect, don't you ever forget that. Now head on out before you get drenched in this rain," Ryan countered back while shooing me down the street.

I bid him goodbye and made the short walk down to campus. Due to drastic technological advances I probably should have just taken the recently renovated subway or one of the new fancy taxicabs that peppered the city, but sometimes you just want to enjoy the walk.

As I got closer to the school my senses started to pick up again, telling me that this was big. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach as I reached the door of my first class. I took a deep unnecessary breath and pulled open the door. Here goes nothing.

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My first class of the day had come and gone. Child psychology looked like a promising subject and the professor seemed generally excited about teaching the course. Not one of those who just want the paycheck and all of the time off.

After my class I had a break until my 11:00 History of Psychology course. One of the best advances over the past century is basic coursework handled in high school so you can just delve right into your major work if desired. Not that it really mattered, but if I had to go through another Into to English Literature class again I was going to bang my head into submission.

I took my time off to wander around campus and take in the scenery. Urban life changed so much, but at the same time looked remarkably similar. Most of the changes involved improvements in emissions that were revolutionized about twenty years ago.

As I wandered about I slowly started to get the sinking suspicion of someone watching me. My stomach contracted as my vampire senses were begging me to get into a defensive position. However crouching and snarling in the middle of campus didn't exactly seem like the best way to make friends.

I slowly turned around to look for the face of my stalker, however I saw nothing out of the ordinary. As I began to continue my walk I was immediately met with the face of someone I didn't think I would ever see again.

"Felix?" I asked my voice betraying how excited I was to see him. He looked exactly the same since the last time that I saw him in Volturi, except for the distinct difference in eye color, which were now a beautiful golden hue.

He smiled my favorite smile as his whole 6'6" frame took me in. Felix was by all means a very attractive man. Muscles that the average human would have to kill themselves in the gym for, the most perfect teeth stars pay thousands of dollars to replicate, and of course there was just the essence that Felix had that could not be duplicated. He just was, and I was so happy to see him.

"Oh I thought it was you my beautiful Marie," he spoke in his deliriously sexy voice as he began to walk towards me. "Last time I saw you, you were heading to Australia to live among the marsupials. Tell me, what does a Kangaroo taste like?"

"I wouldn't know, I mainly just stuck to dingos. And it's Isabella now," I replied as I went to hug him. It really had been too long since I had seen a happy face and touched his godly form.

"But of course. You can't just be simple like the rest of us and keep the same name now can you. How will I ever find you if the next time I see you your name is Claire, or Justina, or heaven forbid Gertrude?" he teased as he release me from his grasp.

"I have my reasons, as you very well know," I paused to stare at him again. "Felix, what are you doing here? Thirty years ago you were a faithful member of the Volturi guard and a card-carrying member of the human blood drinking clan. Now here you are in New York of all places, at a University, and obviously with different tastes. How the hell did this happen?" I truly was shocked. As vampire we hardly change, and Felix had obviously done a lot of changing in the past few decades.

Felix motioned for me to sit down at a nearby bench and I complied. "What is the reason why we ever doing anything my beautiful Marie? I fell in love. My now wife just whisked into Volturi stole my heart and set my world on fire. We quickly left Italy, worked on my diet, and now we are studying here. We've actually only been here for a few weeks. You are now witnessing my first day as a college student." He beamed at me proudly.

I couldn't help but smile at his story. Before Felix was rather unhappy with his station in life but refused to go with me on my travels. He told me all he knew was Italy and that he would live out his destiny with dignity. Now he just looked happy, so so happy.

"Well I think I must meet this wonderful wife of yours that could actually convince the dutiful Felix to give up his 'destiny' and seek a real life," I replied while rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"That you must my beautiful Marie. I am sure she would adore you. I often tell her and our family stories about our time in Italy together. I'm sure they would all love to meet the enchanting goddess, Marie Black, that dumbfounded Aro, put Marcus in his place, and eluded the Volturi all together," he smile while pulling one of my hands into his large ones.

"Wow, I haven't thought about that in a long time," I said while starring off into space. "I think I forgot how much fun I could have."

Felix leveled his stare at me and seemed pensive for a moment. "What has happened my beautiful Marie? Are you still a woman of such few words? You know for someone that I consider one of my dearest friends I still know nothing about you."

I laughed a humorless laugh. "As to what has happened there is not much to say. I moved, I worked, I studied, and I above all existed. As to my past, you have tried much harder in the past with less result. What makes you think that you would have better luck now?"

Felix looked at my hands as they intertwined with him. "I think one day I will know your story Marie but it is obvious that now is not the time. However it is hard to fill my wife with stories when most of his questions I do not know the answer. 'Where is she from Felix? How old is she? What is her real name? Why did she come to Volterra?'" Felix intonated with an oddly familiar high-pitched bell like voice. "But alas all my answers were the same. 'I do not know my love, Marie is a woman of mystery. However I feel it is extreme sadness that has clouded her past and thus her reason for not disclosing it.'"

I looked into his beautiful golden eyes and smiled a sad smile. "Ah Felix for someone who says he knows so little, you seem to know me so well."

"Well that my dear is because I do know you, just now what you have seen in your long yet short life. Now my dear, I must leave because class calls, but I must see you tonight. My family would be so happy to meet you and I don't think I can keep you away even for a day."

I checked my watch and realized that we had spent a significant amount of time talking and I too needed to get to class. However, the thought of meeting up with the woman who had changed Felix so completely had brought me more excitement than I had seen in a long time. "Sure Felix, here is my address. Come pick me up at sunset and I'll meet your new family. I could not pass up the chance to meet the harlot who stole your heart," I teased as I stood up and threw my bag over my shoulder while handing Felix a piece of paper with my address on it.

"But of course my beautiful Marie. I will see you tonight. But for now, Biology awaits!," he shouted excitedly. It must be rather refreshing studying after centuries cooped up in Italy.

We said out goodbyes and I went to my following class. The rest of the day went by in a blur as I kept replaying every moment I had with Felix. It was weird seeing Felix so happy with another woman, when once long ago I was the one who adorned his bed. Yet I couldn't bring myself to feel any sort of jealousy. Although we had been lovers, most importantly we were friends. He knew he would never fill that part of me, just as I knew that I would never fill his.

When I left Volterra on my quest for my adventures, we knew we were parting for good. Now that he had a wife, I did feel guilty about the rather salacious thoughts I had been replaying in my mind. But it had been a long time, a decade in fact, and apparently I needed to get laid.

There were the thoughts that consumed me as I went through the rest of my day, waiting for seven to roll around.

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So what did you think? There is lots more still to come.


	2. Chapter 2

"How was your first day Ms. Black? Did you get what you paid for?," Ryan asked as I came back to my building with a large smile on his face.

"Not at all, but I did get all of that pretentiousness out of the way. I think now I'll drop out and back pack through Europe. What do you say?," I teased.

"Ah…a woman after my own heart. Your parents would be proud," he teased back.

I was about to walk into the building but I turned around to Ryan at the last second.

"Hey Ry, there is going to be a visitor for me tonight named Felix. Please let me know when he is here and I will come down to meet him." I looked at him then added, "Oh, and he'll probably call me Marie."

Ryan gave me a smirk and asked, "And who exactly might this Felix be?"

"Oh Ryan, nothing like that. He is actually an old friend."

"Ms. Black, you are not nearly old enough to have old friends. But of course I will let you know."

I laughed at his remark and the utter ridiculousness of it. If he only knew that I could be his great if not great-great grandmother. I said goodbye and went up to get ready. Not that I was really one for appearances, but over the years I had become much more involved in my outward looks when necessary. Gone was the awkward casualness of Isabella Swan and an actual woman filled her shoes.

I took my time styling my hair, picking the right outfit, and applying my make up. If I was a denser person I would say that I just wanted to make a good impression, yet I knew that a small part of me wanted to look my best when I met Felix's wife. He was not my first, nor my last lover, but there was always something special about him. I would not embarrass myself by looking less than stellar while meeting his new family.

After all was said and done I wore an elegant silver dress that hit about an inch above the knee and had a deep v neck… well at least deep for me. It showed off some of my scarring, but since Felix already knew I saw no reason to keep them from his family. I paired it with some heels, which I could actually wear without breaking my ankles after my change, and some small accessories and I was ready to go.

My hair was let down in soft large waves and only a minimal amount of make up donned my face. At worst, if tonight sucked I could definitely hit up a good club afterwards to lighten my mood.

At promptly 7:00 Ryan called me to let me know that Felix was downstairs. I checked myself vainly in the mirror one more time before I locked up and headed downstairs.

As I walked out the building I heard two paired whistles coming from Ryan and Felix. If I were human I would be blushing, but I put those childish feelings beside me and walked out with my head held high.

"Ryan, doesn't your shift end soon?" I teased while walking up to the boys.

"Yes Ms. Black but I just wanted to see you and your male visitor before I took off. Melanie will certainly get a kick out of this," he replied.

I turned my gaze to Felix. "You ready to go? I can't wait to meet your wife and family?"

Felix nodded his head to his beautiful car waiting by the curb. "Ready I am my beautiful Marie, but that dress is making me think of inappropriate Italian nights."

Ryan looked confused by his remarks but I just blew them off with a smile and a distracted wave. I headed towards Felix's car and we got on our way.

"I don't believe reminiscing about Italian nights is appropriate seeing as how we are going to see your new family," I smirked at Felix from the corner of my eye as he drove the out of the city.

"My dear I have no secrets with my wife. She knows all about our escapades. We have actually reenacted a few if you must know."

I gave him a shocked look. "You have got to be kidding."

"No Marie, it seems the tower is one of her favorites, as well as the fountain at midnight."

Unwillingly my body responded as I remembered our affairs around Volterra. As I tried to hide my arousal I looked over at Felix who was grinning widely. "Quit grinning like a cat and tell me about your wonderful family."

"Well they are all very excited to meet you, my wife especially. You will come to know that she is a ball of energy and even for a vampire, never tires. However, she was a bit worried when she could not see you. I think you have an affect on his similar to yours on Aro or Marcus"

"What do you mean see me?," I asked thoroughly confused.

"Ah..ah..ah… I will not go on and spoiling all of my surprises on you just yet my beautiful Marie, for the night is young and I cannot wait for my two world's to collide."

I smiled at his imagery and just relaxed into the leather interior of his car. By his words I could tell that his wife was gifted, and really I expected no less. It would take an exceptional woman to trap Felix.

We drove for a little bit out of the city until mainly trees lined the road. I noticed that my designated hunting ground was not far from here. I was grateful for my lack of need of blood regularly, because it would severely limit my living arrangements.

Just as I was about Felix if we were traveling to a different state or not he turned into an offshoot on the road and down a windy yet paved trail. My senses started to tell me something, yet what exactly I am not sure. My nerves were on edge, and I couldn't believe that it was just about meeting his now wife.

"Well Felix, I can see your living arrangements are much different than the last time I saw you. Tell me, do you feel like country boy living out in the woods like this?," I teased hoping to get our banter up to avoid my nervous feelings.

"Ha ha my dear. It is actually much less remote than the place we lived when I worked on my diet. Then it was much my wife and I and miles of just animals. I feel downright urban living with this many vampires and associating with humans," he grinned as he slowed and a house became visible.

"Well I for one am glad you switched teams. Golden eyes are much more attractive if I say so myself."

"I agree. It was actually what first attracted me to my wife. She had golden eyes, similar but obviously not quite like yours. It was what first intrigued me because it reminded me of my Marie," he said as he put the car in park.

He glanced at me before getting out of the car. "Do not be nervous. They will love you, and at worst you look great enough to enjoy yourself after you leave."

"That's exactly what I was thinking earlier!," I bellowed, so happy to be on the same wave length with another being again.

We got out of the car and made our way up to the grand house. It was beautiful and classic. It was oddly familiar to a house I dare not bring to the forefront of my mind, yet the image was still nice. I took a deep unnecessary breath was we ascended the stairs to the front door.

"Come in my beautiful Marie, and meet my family."


	3. Chapter 3

As Felix reached for the knob the door just flew open, and what was on the other side would have stopped my heart if it hadn't years ago. Standing in the threshold was none other than Alice Cullen. If it weren't for my vampire sight I wouldn't have seen all of her reactions. First it was insane excitement, followed by curiousness, then ultimately it was surprise and confusion. I couldn't really tell you what I was feeling at the moment, as I think my brain stopped working a while back.

"Ah my darling Alice, I would like you to meet the legendary Marie," Felix spoke excitedly not noticing the exchange going on between us. I starred into her golden eyes before I could collect myself. I cleared my throat and stuck out my hand. "Hello Alice, I'm Marie, or actually Isabella, Black now. Felix has spoken so highly of you."

I didn't know what I was doing by acting like I didn't know her in front of Felix. My mind was simply going into self-preservation mode and it simply couldn't comprehend what was going on.

Alice didn't speak or move to shake my hand. She simply just stared at me with wide eyes and didn't budge from her position.

"Well my beautiful Marie, I believe you have done the unthinkable and have stunned my wife into silence. I did not think it was possible," Felix smirked at me then turned to Alice. "Honey, can you please move so Marie can come in?"

Without changing her gaze Alice moved away from the door and Felix drug me inside. Quicky my mind went through everything that was happening. Felix was married to Alice. Alice was the vegetarian vampire that stole his heart in Volterra. Felix joined Alice's family; the Cullens. I gasped at that realization. THE CULLENS. They were all here. I had tried not to think of them with the best of my ability, but here I was now standing in the foyer of their house, Alice staring at me.

I had so many questions. What was Alice doing in Volterra? What were they doing here? What happened to Jasper? Why were they not married anymore? Is everyone here? How could Edward not recognize me in Felix's thoughts? FELIX!! He told them all about me and out time together! How the hell did Felix not realize the monumental trainwreck going on in front of him? How could he tell the Cullens all about our time together?!?!

If it were not for my vampire state I would not have been able to think so quickly. Even know I felt like my brain was going to explode. I decided my best form of action was to flee. I could not deal with this. It had been over a century and I could still not deal with this. Hell, even Alice couldn't deal with this! I had to get out, I had to go.

"Um… Actually Felix, I'm not really feeling all that well. I think I'm going to go and come back some other time. Plus we have school tomorrow you know. It would be pretty irresponsible of you to neglect your studies your first year at college. So anyway, I know the way so I'll see you at school," I rambled on as I turned to head out the door. Before I could even make it a step Felix grabbed my arm an pulled me into the formal living room of the house.

"What the hell are you going on about Marie? Of course you'll stay and meet everyone. They'd all be disappointed if they didn't get to know you."

I internally chuckled humorously at his statement. Yeah, I bet they'd be really disappointed. Last time I remembered they all left without so much as a goodbye. Well, all except for one and his goodbye was one I wish I did not receive. A sad trip down memory lane in which I tell Felix that his new family wanted nothing to do with me a century ago would still want nothing to do with me now seemed to be in my future. I so did not wear the right outfit.

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"Hey everyone, come down and meet Marie. Oh, and Carlisle can you take a look at Alice, she hasn't really moved and she looks funny," Felix spoke at a normal volume, knowing everyone would be able to hear him. Within seconds everyone from my past and someone I did not recognize filled the living room and once they got a good look at me I was met with more stunned silence.

Okay so I know it had been a while but I really felt unwelcomed. Instead of meeting everyone's gaze I just dropped my eyes to the floor while minutely shaking my head.

"This is so un-fucking-believable." I whispered even though I know everyone would hear me. I also heard the light footsteps of Alice and Carlisle coming into the room, as well as Carlisle's distinct gasp.

Felix cleared his throat and rubbed my back in smoothing circles. "Okay… so this is not what I was expecting. Everyone this is my Marie. Marie this is everyone. Over to our left is our mother, Esme. She actually designed the house and decorated it." He gestured over to Esme, who looked exactly the same. Her eyes were brimmed with tears that would never spill.

"The big one to her right is Emmett, who is quite rambunctious." Emmett gave me a shocked expression and I could not meet his gaze for long. This whole thing was way to fucking depressing.

"The blonde goddess next to him is his wife Rosalie, and a real ball buster if I may say so myself." I internally snorted at that. Ball buster is quite a tame way of describing Rosalie. She looked shocked at me as well, but not really sad at all. It was expected, we were never really that close.

"The strawberry blonde next to her is Tanya and the newest member before me." I did not remember her face but I vaguely remember the name. I wonder how she had fit in with the family over the last century. She gave me a small smile and seemed to be just as confused by the family's reaction to me as Felix was.

"Next to her is her husband Edward. Edward can read thoughts by the way, but it's different than what Aro can do." I wish I could say I was shocked but to be honest I was not. Edward always said he would move on and find distractions. I did not delude myself in time lapse. Tanya was actually quite the opposite of me. She was tall, curvy, blonde, and stunningly beautiful. It was not hard to see the draw. I met his gaze for a brief second and was met with pained eyes. Yeah, I didn't mean to be drug into your life again Edward. Sorry for the inconvenience.

"Next to Edward is Jasper, who is actually Alice's ex-husband. He's an empath, which I think is totally cool. Aro would love to get his hands on someone like him. " At that I snorted because I knew exactly what Aro would do with someone like Jasper, and it wasn't pretty. Jasper just looked shocked like everyone else, but his gaze was set to my left arm and not to my face.

"Carlisle is the blonde and also our father. He's actually a doctor and is the most controlled person I have ever met, well apart from you. He actually lived with the Volturi a long time ago. If you remember they would sometimes speak of him and his family." I did remember, but I also remember tuning out anything else Aro said on the subject. I did not need the Volturi to know my connection to the Cullen coven. Carlisle just looked sad and defeated.

"And you have already met my wife Alice. She is actually psychic and can see the future, however much is can change. Yet she can't see anything relating to you apparently, which just goes to show how awesome you are my beautiful Marie. I've never seen anyone thwart my wife's powers." I glanced at Alice who was slightly more composed than before but still quite unhinged.

"And everyone, this beautiful goddess next to me is my beautiful Marie Black, or as she goes by now, Isabella." Felix continued to rub circles on my back just as I had earlier in the day to him.

"Isabella," Esme chocked out, being the first to speak and taking a slight step towards the coach Felix and I were sitting on.

"Yep, although she never tells me the reason for the name changes. I don't know much about Marie's past but I know she's been a Marie, an Elizabeth, and my all time personal favorite Juliet. Her fascination with classical literature will never cease to amaze me. Yet I don't understand Isabella, but whatever floats her boat I guess.

There as a definite pregnant pause in which no one knew what to say. I sure as hell didn't. What would I say. 'Hello family who abandoned me without so much as a 'see you later'. It is just so nice to see you again and bring up all those lonely and abandoned feelings. Hello ex-boyfriend who led me on and never really loved me. I know you never wanted me to see you again or see me as a vampire, but shit happens I guess.' Yeah… none of that sounded really good at all.

After another few seconds Felix was obviously getting impatient. "Okay so this is not the type of reunion I had planned. I don't understand. You were so excited to meet Marie!"

I cleared my throat so as not to sound as pathetic or weak as I felt. "I think, dear Felix that maybe this reunion is for a later time. I believe my welcome has been worn out some time ago. I think I will just go home." I stood up leaving Felix dumbfounded on the couch. I made a move to leave but a sickly sweet voice piped up.

"No please Marie stay. I don't know what everyone's problem is but I surely want to meet you. Felix has done nothing but regale us with stories of your time together and I have so many questions for you. Even Felix seems to not know much about you," Tanya said.

Seeming to come to his senses Carlisle came into the room and sat on the love seat opposite of Felix. "Yes Marie, please stay. I think we all have a lot of catching up to do."

I tried to not be emotional or get overwhelmed, but it was just so hard. Less than a week ago I was in my solitary life with nothing but myself to worry about. Now I was a college freshman in my ex boyfriends house, with a family that never wanted me staring at me. To top it all off Felix and Tanya had no idea of what was going on around them.

"As nice as that sounds Carlisle, I believe the family's feelings regarding my presence were made clear quite a while ago. I will go and leave you all alone again. I'm starting to think that Columbia isn't a good fit anyway." I turned to Felix who just gave me confused and hurt eyes. "I'm very sorry this did not work out as you had imagined. I will just say that you wife is lovely and I am very happy for you." I leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Until our paths cross again dear friend." I stood back up and headed towards the door without another glance around the room.

I almost made it to the door when I heard a load clear of the throat. Reluctantly I turned back around and was met with Edward's angry eyes. "Oh I think that you may owe us some answers Isabella."

His anger was confusing. What would Edward have to be angry about? Sure he never wanted to see me again, but it wasn't as if I sought him out or anything. "What the hell are you talking about? Why would I owe any of you anything?" I tried to keep my voice neutral but my anger at the situation was clearly seeping through.

"I think that you do. Why the hell are you a vampire? Why are you here? How the hell are you and Felix's Marie the same person? What the hell happened to you?" Edward's anger was still confusing as hell, and apparently not only just to me.

"Edward what the hell are you talking about? You have no right to speak to her that way," Felix spoke up as he stood from the couch and walked over to me.

"Maybe you should ask your precious Marie what I am talking about," Edward retorted. I looked around the room expecting to see confusion from the family, but was shockingly met with anger from Rosalie, and Alice as well. Only Emmett, Esme, Jasper, and Carlisle looked confused and hurt by Edward's words. Felix and Tanya just look dumbfounded. I couldn't say I didn't feel the same.

Felix turned to me with questioning eyes. "What is he talking about Marie?"

I sighed, knowing I was defeated. "You now how you wanted to know more about my past? Well… this is one aspect of my past. Let's just say that this is not the first time that I have crossed paths with the Cullen family." I sighed, quickly adding on. "Except for Tanya. This is our first time meeting."

Felix looked shocked for a second but still confused. "What do you mean your paths had crossed?"

"For a brief period of time while I was human our lives were intertwined. But as sudden as it started it ended and I have not seen them sense. I did not know that this was your family. If I am being honest, if I had known I would not have come."

Felix gasped at my words and turned towards the family. "You knew her when she was human? Oh my God I have so many questions." His attitude turned quickly for confused to excited. He seemed to think this was some sort of happy reunion. Oh how wrong he really was.

"No no. I think we are the ones with questions," Rosalie sneered from her corner pulling away from Emmett.

"I don't know why all of you are so angry, but I owe none of you anything. No explanation, no questions, no nothing. I have known Felix much longer than I had known all of you, and he still had nothing. What gives you the right?," I asked confusion and anger in my words. I was not the timid girl I once was and Rosalie's mirth did not intimidate me any longer.

"Have no right? You ruined our family. You came into our lives when you had no right and left it in shambles. We only just got back on the right track and you show up again. It is you, Isabella, that has no right to question us. Oh, and apparently as soon as we left you went to find the nearest vampire to turn you since Edward wouldn't. How did you get him to do it huh? You pretend to love him to until he could sing his fangs and spread his venom?," Rosalie sneered back.

Okay now I was thoroughly confused. "Excuse me. I ruined your family? What the hell did I ever do to any of you? And you have no idea how I was turned, so I would shut the hell up right now before you say something you will regret."

"Didn't ruin our family? Because of you and your stupid little human clumsiness our family was torn apart. Jasper freak out. He wasn't himself for years. Alice and him broke up because they couldn't handle all of the stress. You understand that? They got divorced because of you. Edward wouldn't eat for months and wasn't himself for decades. It wasn't until Tanya put him back together that he started to get better. I had to watch my husband mope around for decades. Esme still never walks into a kitchen the same way. You have ruined us and now you came back. You can just take you ass and leave this house right now. I will not let you destroy this family again!," Rosalie screamed at me.

I laughed humorously as her words. "Seriously?" was all I said.

Before Rosalie was about to pop a vein Tanya spoke up, "What is she talking about Edward?" Edward just shook his head and directed his gaze at the floor.

"Marie is Bella," was all he said and Tanya gasped and gave me a mean glare, while Felix looked shocked and sad.

"Okay, well I think I'll take Rose's advice and leave. But before I go I just have to say that I was human. HUMAN. I don't know if you understand that but that means that we bleed. It was not my fault I received a paper cut, just as it wasn't Jasper's fault that he lunged at me. It is just what happens. Humans bleed; vampires are attracted to blood.

"However, everything else is your own fault. I am terribly sorry that Jasper and Alice didn't work out, but that is not my fault. That is all on them. As far as Edward is concerned, he left me. I don't know if you remember that Edward, but I definitely have a memory of being left in the woods after you telling me that you have never loved me and that you were leaving to never return again. Yet again, not my fault.

"And as for Emmett, I don't even know what to say. You all were my family. I loved you with everything in my being, but you all just abandoned me without even a word, including Emmett. I thought of Emmett as the brother I never had, but he abandoned me just like the rest of you. I'm so sorry that you had to pull your family together, and you can blame me for all of your problems, but just so you know its all bullshit. At least you had each other. I was fucking alone!"

I don't know where my speech came from but I was shaking in my very core. I needed to calm down before anything bad happened. I didn't need to add more on top of this already fucked up situation.

"And whose fault was that Isabella. It's not our fault that you were begging to be changed. We tried to warn you, but you would never listen," Alice piped up finally. Bitch please; don't even try to get into this conversation.

"If you seriously think that I asked to be changed, you are all delusional. My family had left me and the love of my life abandoned me. Why the hell would I want to live forever?" They had to seriously be on crack. I was so confused.

"I feel really left out," Felix spoke up beside me. "You're like.. _the_ Bella. You're kind of a legend in the Cullen family." He looked around the room. "Or maybe more like the social pariah."

"Sounds more like the scapegoat," I muttered even though they would all hear me.

"What happened to you?" Jasper asked, seemingly changing the subject.

"Excuse me!" was all I could reply.

Jasper inclined his right hand to my left arm. "Your scarring is like nothing I have ever seen. It's deep and extensive, but is not caused by a vampire. Therefore I ask again, what happened to you?" His tone was curious and a little sad, not accusing like the others.

I looked down at my left arm and it seemed like the rest of the room did as well as I heard a few gasps. "That, Jasper, is none of anyone's concern. It's been a hundred years since I have last seen any of you. Many things have happened in that time frame, much of which I do not like to discuss." My tone was soothing and not angry. I did not want to give anger where none was given.

"Yeah good luck with that. I bugged her for three years and she never once told me. Never even hinted," Felix offered. I gave him a small smile. I did not keep things from him for any reason other than my memories were mine alone and I did not like sharing my pain with anyone.

"Bella," a chocked gasp called our and as I turned I met the desperately sad eyes of Emmett. Once a long time ago Emmett was my brother, my family, much as everyone else was. But something was different with us too. He never once begrudged my human side and only accepted. When they left and I was abandoned, his lack of words stung more than I like to admit.

"Emmett please don't. It was nice to see you all, really it was. But I will not delude myself. You all made your feelings about me quite clear all those years ago. I may not be the smartest person, but I do learn from my lessons. I will not be put back into a position where others can disregard me as easily as you all had. I sincerely love all of you, but I will not go through that again. I will not be where I am not wanted, and me turning should not change that fact. I fear that I may have came back to humanity too soon, and I believe I will retreat again."

I turned to leave the house again, but this time no one stopped me.


	4. Chapter 4

I walked human speed for a while just thinking about the events that transpired. It was all too much. I could not fathom how they blamed me for everything, and yet no one stood up for me. Even though not all of them had spoke out, none of them spoke up for me. Not even Esme or Carlisle.

When I saw the sun start to rise up I had enough of my internal reflection and ran my way home. I was back at my building before 8:00 in the morning and saw Ryan just going out to stand his post.

I gave him a small smile as I made my was up to the building. "Hey Ryan, can you get Frank to get some boxes up to my room. Something has come up and it seems that my stay at Columbia will be much shorter than expected."

Ryan looked at me with a level stare before replying. "Does this have anything to do with that gentlemen last night Ms. Black?"

"No Ryan, it is more of a family issue that I was made aware of last night."

Ryan looked sad at me but did not pry. "Alright Ms. Black, I'll ask Frank. You can expect them up in a few hours."

I gave him a polite nod and entered the building. "Thank you Ryan, for everything."

"You are more than welcome Ms. Black. I am sad to see you go. You were my very favorite tenant, despite your short stay."

I gave him another small smile and made my way up to my room. I looked around my recently unpacked belongings and dreaded packing up again. There was no question in my mind that I was going back to Arizona. I did not lie. I think I came back too early and my solitary life seemed like just the ticket. I had more than enough to think about for another decade and I had a new appreciation for being along. Sure I was lonely, but at least it was peaceful.

Frank brought up the boxes sometime around 11:00 and I started to pack up a few of my belongings. As I went on I realized that I didn't really want to take that much with me. I still had my furniture at my old house, and I could tell Ryan to donate all of the furniture here beside the recliner to a local charity.

As I was boxing up my last box there was a knock at the door. Thinking it was Frank with more boxes I opened up the door without checking who was on the other side and I was surprised to see Jasper on the other side.

"Hey," was all I said.

"Hi," he replied.

We stood there for a few seconds before I came to my senses.

"Umm… would you like to come in?" I asked as I stood aside allowing him inside.

"Sure," he said and walked into the apartment. "Leaving so soon?"

I laughed at his question. "Yeah well, forgive me for saying that the city had suddenly lost its appeal."

Jasper just nodded and took in the rest of my apartment. "I came to say that I am sorry for my family's behavior last night. They have been quite angry for some time. Unrighteously so. It has made living with them quite difficult since we left you. But I bet you could get that from min and Alice's situation," he said as he sat down on my couch.

I stopped putting items into my last box and went to sit down next to him. "What happened there anyway? You two were so perfect. It is hard for me to believe that my incident really drove such a wedge between you two."

Jasper sighed and leaned back into the couch. "It was a lot of things really. She was already having trouble with my control issues an I was having trouble with her psychic issues. Put that along with the fact that our family kind of came apart and the emotional climate of the house was toxic at best, we just sort of drifted apart. We could no longer make each other happy like we once could. Felix helped in bringing back her light, and she finally seems happy."

"But what about you?" I asked

"That sweetheart is a question that I have not heard in a long time. It seems like everyone else was more important. Carlisle and Esme were trying to hold the shard of the family together but it was wearing on them, Emmett was a mess, Edward was even worse. Rosalie was mainly just pissed of and Alice was trying to find herself. It is hard not to feel like I was put aside left to deal with everyone's emotions," he replied sadly, closing his eyes as if it would make the situation easier to deal with.

"Well I'm asking now. What about you? Are you happy?"

Jasper seemed to pause for a minute before he answered. "I am… content. Emotionally I am better since Tanya and Felix came into our lives. It makes the emotional climate of the house easier to deal with. I truly am happy for Alice and I am not upset over our splitting up. It seems to be the best for both of us. However… I can't shake away my loneliness. That is what I mainly feel. Lonely."

" I know the feeling," was my only reply. It was true that even though I had companions throughout the years, I had mainly been alone all of my vampire life.

Jasper smirked at me. "Which is funny, because I can no longer read your emotions. I have lived much of my life based on the intuition I gain from what they are feeling, but with you I get nothing. I finally know what Edward felt like all those years ago."

I laughed a genuine laugh this time, in what felt like forever. "Well trust me, my shielding abilities have pissed off plenty of vampire over the years, none more than the Volturi's Jane. Do not feel bad."

"Speaking of which. I cannot believe that Felix's stories of the elusive Marie are about you. I mean the fountain story alone…" I cut him off before he could finish with a loud groan.

"I can't believe he told you all that! I swear I'm going to kick his ass, and he knows I can." Jasper smiled genuinely at my bravado and goaded me further.

"Now don't go all shy on me now. From what I hear Marie didn't have a shy bone in her body and had no problem using her feminine wiles to sway the Volturi guard in getting whatever she wanted," he smirked at me.

I laughed at his comments as they sent me down memory lane. "Yeah those were good times. I kind of miss the place."

Jasper and I sat on the couch for a while just enjoying each other's silence for a while, letting our memories occupy us.

After a while Jasper spoke up disturbing me from my trip down memory lane, "So where are you going?"

I glanced at him, trying to figure out him intention. I did not want to give away too much information only to be tracked down and harassed, but my intuition was telling me to trust Jasper, if only mildly.

"I am going home," was all I said but my nostalgic tone showed the depth of my feelings.

"And where is home if I may ask?"

"Home is a large reservation in Arizona. There isn't a soul within fifty miles of me and it is where I spent the last decade. I brought books to entertain me and I had satellite Internet connection. But mainly I hunted infrequently and was lost with my thoughts. It was lonely, quiet, and above all peaceful. It's home." I could tell Jasper let my words sink in before speaking again.

"That… sounds like heaven and I don't know why I never thought of it."

"Probably because you have a family of people who love and care about you. I do not have that so the idea of leaving humanity for several years is not such a big shock. There was no one to truly miss me, thus my solitary life was acceptable."

Jasper let my words sink in again before speaking. "I hate that you feel that way."

"What way?"

"That there was no one to miss you. I know you will not believe this, but everyone in the family missed you. Well… maybe not Rosalie. But everyone else did. Esme and Emmett broke down after you left last night, and Carlisle was not much better. They feel as if a piece of them broke when we left you all those years ago."

I thought about his words for a while, but they still did not connect. "But they still left. You all did. And not only that but I never even got a goodbye. Edward left me in the woods to all but die and at the time I wish I would have. It is hard to believe they feel that way, when they could have so easily had things different."

"What do you mean Edward left you in the woods? You said something like that yesterday, but I didn't understand." Jasper looked truly confused.

"What he didn't tell you. It figures that he wouldn't I guess. The day that you all left Edward came to my house and led me out into the woods. He told me he did not love me anymore and that I would never see him again. He said he did not want me and that I was not enough for him. Then he left. In my stupidity I tried to follow and eventually just fell down in the woods. It wasn't till hours later that a friend of the family found me."

Jasper growled at my admission. "He told us he told you that we were leaving to protect you and that he told you we all loved you."

I chuckled at his statement. "Yeah that so did not happen."

Jasper seemed pensive for a while. "So he just left you in the woods?"

"Yep," was all I said.

"You do realize that he did love you right. He only wanted to leave to protect you from our way of life, although that seems ridiculous now."

I took a deep breath and starred at the floor. "I think over the years I realized that. That he left to protect me. But I also realized that you don't abandon the people you love. I could really have used you guys that following year. If Edward truly did love me and put me above himself, he would have either stayed or changed me. But he didn't. He was too concerned with his morals and his values. It still hurts, but I have come to terms with it. There has been so much that has happened since then that it kind of seems irrelevant. A lovesick girl was dumped by her boyfriend. It sounds quite trivial really in context really."

I looked up into Jaspers eyes after my confession and saw only understanding. Of course Jasper understood. I did not know everything about Jasper, but enough that he had seen much more than the average vampire in the Cullen household.

"It is rather ironic that many of the Cullens never really understand how hard life can be," Jasper observed.

"Not ironic really, but actually expected. They are rather spoiled by their life. Carlisle is the only real one with real world experience, and I think he wanted his family to not experience that so much that they never really experienced anything. Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward were all put into a situation where they never had to know another life. Alice doesn't really remember what happened to her so she is also in that category. Even though I do no know you story I do know that you are the only one outside of Carlisle that knows how bitterly unfair and difficult the real world is.

"I think that is why they blew everything out of proportion. To them this is the biggest problem they could come across. Their precious family had some problems. Not everything was perfect. The sad fact is they never realized how good they always had it, and still do."

Jasper nodded "And I think now you are in the category of Carlisle and myself. I too do not know your story, but from your wise words and that scar on your arm, I can tell that you have known a lot of sadness and sorrow. Maybe one day we will share our stories."

"Maybe," I replied while giving him a sad smile. I looked outside to see the sun starting to set.

"Well, I think I need to get these boxes going. I got boxes to move and places to be."

"Please don't go," was Jasper's immediate reply.

"Jasper…"

"Please just hear me out. Felix is all so excited about seeing you that he can hardly contain himself. I know Emmett wants a chance to make things right, as well as Carlisle and Esme. I can't speak for anyone else, but I would like to ask you to give them some chance at closure, even though they may not deserve it."

I thought about his offer for a while. Did I really want closure on the whole situation? Even though it was not ideal I was not loosing any sleep for lack of a better expression because of it. But Jasper said that they needed it, that they have been upset for quite some time. A part of me wanted to say that I didn't even care, but there was another part that knew I couldn't do that to them. I still loved them dearly and could not bear to be the reason they were upset.

I exhaled loudly and replied, "Jasper do they even know that you are here right now?" I did not think about the question before I asked him, but subconsciously it was weighing on my mind.

"Well… things kind of went to hell after you left. Tanya was thrown threw a loop from meeting the Bella, Rosalie was still on fire from your argument, Alice was upset but Felix was just wanting to know more about the 'human Marie'. Mainly Emmet, Esme, and Carlisle fell apart. Rose tried to comfort Em, but he didn't have any of it. Yet again I was kind of forgotten on the sideline and went outside to get away from all the emotions. I picked up your scent immediately and just sort of followed it here. I expect Alice might have seen it, but her lack of visions concerning you may make that untrue."

"Okay so in other words… no."

Jasper laughed. "No, they don't know that I am here."

I sighed yet again feeling a bit dramatic. " I guess I can stay for a little while, but I really don't do well with drama seeing as I have not had to deal with it for some time now. Going from quiet to all this static is quite difficult. However, I am not going over there anymore. I will not tolerate all of the anger that they put forth."

"Fair enough. I think I get how you feel, but the opposite. I go from all of this static and emotions and when I'm since I can't sense your emotions it's just so quiet. There really aren't any people around since you own the floor so I can't sense anyone else either. It is rather peaceful."

"Well you are welcome to come by anytime. I have plenty of room if you just need to get away, as long as you don't think your family would exile you for fraternizing with the enemy," I teased as I got up and started unpacking my boxes. "Oh, and you're helping me pack up later when I leave again. I was almost done when you came in."

Jasper chuckled and readily agreed. He helped me unload my boxes and we chatted throughout the rest of the night. He told me some stories of how he and Emmett got into trouble with the Rhode Island Police Department and he asked me about some of the stories Felix told him about my time in Volterra.

Jasper couldn't seem to get enough of the fact that I had changed so much. The blushing virgin human had turned into a self-assured experienced vampire. I bet if I saw myself back then I would be shocked as well.

By the time we were done it was after 10:00 at night. The night was winding down and I could tell that jasper was stalling.

"What is it Jasper?" I asked

"What do you mean?" he replied

"I'm not blind. I can tell you have something on your mind. Why don't you just tell me."

Jasper paused for a while as he collected his thoughts. "How serious were you when you said that I was welcome anytime?"

"I don't know. I meant it if that is what you mean. Why?"

Jasper shuffled his weight from foot to foot, which was a nervous reaction in humans so watching a vampire do it was just surreal. "Well I was wondering if I could stay here a while. The emotional silence feels like I'm at some sort of day spa or something. I feel so relaxed. And I'm really enjoying getting to know you again. We never really got to know each other much last time our paths crossed."

I thought about that for a second. Was Jasper actually asking to live with me. I had plenty of space and he wasn't a bother, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to further connect myself with the Cullens. I loved them to death but they had so much power to break me all over again.

"What do you think your family would say about this?" I asked.

"To be frank I really don't give a shit. It is not like I will be really missed anyway."

He had a point there; it really wasn't anyone's business. Jasper was a grown man. "Sure that's fine. You can bring some of your stuff over and put it in the spare room. There is plenty of space. Feel free to move anything around… except the recliner. Don't even think about touching that."

Jasper beamed at me. "Thank you Bella! This means so much to me. I can't believe how much peace I'm going to finally have."

"Not a problem, and call me Isabella. I haven't been Bella in over a century." I had to nip that right in the butt. I had shed my childhood nickname along with my human self. I did not wish to return to it.

"Hey are you okay living in the city? You know, lack of animals, abundance of humans," I brought up as it came into my head.

"I'll be fine. My control as improved tenfold and I don't notice it very much anymore. I'll just go out of the city to hunt, probably once or twice a week. It won't be a problem."

"Okay as long as you think it's okay. I'll get Frank to get you a key."

Jasper grinned excitedly as he went to check out his new room. I haven't had a roommate in quite some time. It will be nice to have some company after decades of being alone. As long as his family didn't get in my business, everything would be just fine.

How come even as I said it, I knew it could never be this easy?


	5. Chapter 5

AN – Thank you for everyone who has reviewed. This is my first story and it is kind of nerve wrecking to post this stuff online. Let me know what you think!!

Anyway – on to Chapter 5!

Kay Maria

- - - - - - -

As the sun rose on Wednesday morning I decided to keep attending school for the time being. I only missed one class on Tuesday which I could make up easily, well at least easily will some well placed flirting with the TA.

It turned out that Jasper was going to school too, but he was doing the NYU route this time and was taking up history again. I couldn't see how he kept studying the same subject again and again. If I'm going, I am at least going to learn something new.

We got ready and exited the building together. I was sad to see that Ryan wasn't there, but I guess everyone deserves a day off. The other doorman Henry greeted us as we left.

"Have a good day Ms. Black. Don't get caught in this rain for too long. Can't have a pretty girl like you getting sick now can we?" Henry joked as we walked through the doors. Jasper gave me a confused look that I couldn't decipher. Jeez empaths are so moody!

"Of course not Henry. By the way this is my new roommate Jasper," I said as I tilted my head in his direction. "So you can let him up whenever you want. All others must be approved through okay?"

"Sure thing Ms. Black and Mr….."

"Cullen" I said just as Jasper said "Whitlock".

I turned to Jasper and quirked up my eyebrow. He had always been Cullen or Hale, so what the hell was all of this Whitlock business.

I turned back to Henry and said "Whitlock". Henry was obviously amused by the fact that I didn't know my new roommate's last name, but I didn't give any more information.

"Well have a good day Ms. Black and Mr. Whitlock."

We bid Henry a good day as well and started walking the streets of New York. Jasper's classes didn't start till two hours after mine so he told me he would walk me to campus.

"So, Mr. Whitlock, care to explain to me the last name?" I asked while playfully bumping my shoulder with his.

Jasper bumped back giving me a playful grin, "Care to explain yours, Ms. Black?"

Taking a second I thought about his question. I had never really told anyone the reason for my changed surname, but I felt like I could connect with Jasper. He wasn't judging me for anything in my past that he knew about. He wasn't telling me that I destroyed his family. I could always trust Felix, but having Jasper know the human me made me all the more comfortable around him.

"Let's just say it is for remembrance of a dear friend; one that I do not wish to ever forget." I paused to gauge his reaction but then quickly added, "But if you tell Felix I told you I will give another scar to add to your collection. He bugged me for years trying to get any sort of information out of me."

I grinned at Jasper playfully but noticed his mood had quickly changed.

"What…. What's wrong?"

"You've never asked me about my scars. They are quite I sight I will agree with you. How come you never brought them up?" he asked while still looking perplexed.

"It's not my business Jasper. Seeing as I so rarely like to talk about my past I can easily see why someone else would not want to bring up their own," I stated and then added softly, "And it not as if I am not without scars myself."

Jasper took a look at my now covered left arm as if he could see my disfigurement through my jacket. "Yeah I guess you do," was all he said and then returned his gaze down to the road.

We walked in a comfortable silence for quit a while; not speaking to each other but just enjoying the quiet company that is sometimes so hard to find.

"I like this," I finally spoke up, startling Jasper out of his own internal revelry.

"Like what?" he quipped back.

"This… just being here with you. I miss my quiet house in the desert, but I missed people too. Being here with you like this is like a little of both. I get peace and quiet, yet I am not alone, which is really quite nice."

Jasper gave me a breathtaking smile and replied, "I like this too. For so long I was with the Cullens and even if it was quiet their emotions always shouted at me. Add to that all of the drama over the years and I feel like I haven't had any peace since before I was changed. But here with you is different. You acknowledge me but you don't expect anything of me. Alice bugged me forever about my scars until I told her, but you just leave it be. It's nice… having secrets for a change. I forgot how nice that could be."

I smiled sadly back at him. Although my last century was nothing close to a cake walk, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Jasper's situation.

"Don't do that," he quickly stated.

"Do what?"

"Don't feel remorse or sorrow for my predicament. I am in this situation because I have lacked the will to change it. I could have left, but I never did. Do not feel sorry for me," he stated while looking at the close approaching campus.

"Hmm… I think that living with an empath will be quite an experience."

"You forget that I can't feel your emotions, it's just written all over your face. You always were an open book. Tell me do you still blush," Jasper teased instantly lightening the mood.

"Ha ha Jasper. No I do not blush anymore. You have heard some of my stories. Tell me, do you think I would still blush if I were human?" I asked teasing him back. If Felix told him half of what I think he did, the answer was fairly obvious.

Jasper chuckled and replied, "I still can't believe that was you."

"Believe it baby. Bella Swan died a long time ago."

Jasper looked at me curiously and only replied, "Yeah I guess she did."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Jasper left me at campus and went on about his day. My classes went much they same they did on Monday. I even tracked down my Tuesday courses' TA to see what I had missed. By the time we separated he made sure to tell me that if there was anything I needed, to just let him know. Sometimes men are so easy.

I didn't see Felix on campus again which wasn't really a big surprise but I couldn't help but wonder why. Is it just a coincidence? Was he busy? Did his wife tell him to never come in contact with me again?

I couldn't be sure but I hoped it wasn't the last one. Felix really was a dear friend to me, but I knew if push came to shove you choose your mate over anything, or in my case anyone.

Instead of heading straight back to the loft I decided to parade around Central Park for a while with my thoughts. It was a lovely cloudy day with no sight of sun so I didn't have to worry.

It was September here and leaves were already starting to slightly change color. If I was being honest, I would say that color had to be my favorite part of the change. No longer were there reds and oranges or even brown but magically beautiful hues that took my breath away when I saw them for the first time.

I continued on my path in the park until I came across a familiar sight sitting on a bench staring out into the scenery. I knew that he knew I was here, he surely could have smelled me as I could of him if I were paying attention. Instead of turning tail and leaving I simply walked up to him and sat down on the bench beside him.

"Hello Carlisle," was all I said as I stared off in the direction he was gazing at.

He didn't answer right away. Perhaps he was lost in his own thoughts and couldn't be bothered to be pulled away from them. After a few silent moments he replied, "Hello Bella."

"My name is not Bella and it will do you good to remember for the future. Please, call me Isabella or hell even Marie, but never Bella," I replied still not looking at him.

Carlisle finally looked at me then and his beautiful golden eyes looked so sad and stressed. "Did we really hurt you so much that you cannot go by your name?"

I snorted at his comment and looked deep into his eyes. "Carlisle, as bitchy as this may sound, not everything is about you or your family."

He seemed to mull over my words for a while then softly responded, "I would have to agree, although it has not felt that way for quite some time. My family has been very self obsessed these past few decades."

I genuinely chuckled. " Yeah I kind of noticed." We sat again in silence for a while. I had no idea what Carlisle was thinking about but my thoughts simply rested with the people in front of me. It had been so long since I just had seen people being people. Watching parents help their child feed the ducks or some friends playing football with each other. It was nice to see.

"I am sorry," he said. I turned to look at him but he quickly clarified before I could ask him to. "I am sorry for my family's behavior yesterday. Your arrival was rather unexpected. We were expecting this feisty, rambunctious, trouble making Marie that Felix has gone on and on about and then we are confronted with you, who is honestly a point of contention in my family. I think we were shocked, and as you could tell, some were obviously angry. We thought you would have died by now, old age claiming your soul. Yet here we see you alive, well and… very much different."

I took a second to think about his words. "Does your whole family hate me?" I asked sincerely. Although I didn't understand it, it kind of hurt to have the Cullens have so much contempt for me. It was easier to think they did not care this whole time than to think they had malice in their hearts for me.

Carlisle gave me a sad smile. "No dear, they do not hate you. Even Edward and Rose do not have you, but I think they hate what you had done to them or their family." I was about to interject but Carlisle quickly stopped me. "I know that it was not your fault, but they think that things would have been better if you had never been involved with us."

I couldn't really disagree. If I hadn't of met them, my life would have taken a much different path as well.

"And what about the others?" I asked.

Carlisle paused but finally answered. "I think… sweet Isabella, that we just missed you terribly. We had only known you for a short time but you were a daughter to Esme and a sister to Emmett. God knows that you were like a daughter to me too. When we left, everything changed and we simply just missed you."

"Carlisle, if I was such a daughter to you then why did you all leave me without even a word. If I was such a sister to Emmett how could he have abandoned me without a goodbye. Your words and your actions do not match up and it is quite difficult for me to try and connect the two," I responded getting a little agitated. How could they say that they missed me and yet abandon me. It didn't make sense.

"I understand your anger Isabella. My only answer to you is that even vampires make mistakes. We left because Edward wanted to protect you from our world, and to be honest I have a hard time denying my first son anything. Yet obviously now I can admit how much of a mistake that had been. Esme berates herself about it constantly. She hates that we left you, even more so now. Emmett feels the same. If we would have stayed things could have been so different… so much better."

Carlisle looked so pained at his words. Being the head of the family I knew that he felt responsibility at how completely they had fallen apart. He thought it was his job to keep it together. If life has taught me one thing, it is simply that sometimes that is impossible and shit is meant to fall apart.

"We all make mistakes, but sometimes things are just the way they are supposed to be. I am sorry if it sounds dismissive that maybe your family is supposed to be in the state that they are in now, but it doesn't make it any less true. Shitty things happen but we always persevere. Your family just needs to find some sort of way to move on. From what Rosalie said, you are all finding your way back to doing so. I do not want to be a burden that prevents that from happening." I was honest in everything that I said. It was so true from my own life that I knew it to be true for his as well.

He sat in silence for a long time before he ever answered me. "My dear Isabella, I think that you will not prevent them from healing, but you will help them to heal. I think that is why you are back in our life now. I spoke briefly to Jasper and he already seems to be happier than I have seen in decades."

"I do not mean for you to take offense at my words Carlisle, but can you give me one good reason why I should help you all 'heal'? By doing this it will only drudge up painful memories that I have tried for a century to forget."

"I do not think I can give you one good reason except for that once a long time ago you loved our family, and maybe you can love us once again, because I can assure you that we never stopped loving you."

I took his words with a large grain of salt. Sure they never stopped loving me but half their family hates me and abandoned me long ago. However as I started to think I couldn't deny the truth in some of his words. I had loved them long ago and f I was being brutally honest, I had never stopped loving them either. As much as bringing up old stuff would hurt, it hurt just as much to look into Emmett's painful eyes or Esme's tear filled ones. Before I could think more I knew I had my answer. Of course I would help, and maybe.. just maybe… they could heal me too.


	6. Chapter 6

AN – So in the coming chapters we will get a little bit more into Bella's past slowly but surely, as well as getting Cullen members into the mix. I hope you like it!

Kayla Maria

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I strolled up to my loft building a little before sundown. Carlisle and I had a few more words and came to an arrangement that I can life with. I would agree to see his family, but only on my terms. I picked when, where, and with whom. I was not to be attacked again under any conditions, and no one was allowed in my home, besides Jasper of course.

We exchanged numbers and he told me he would call me soon. He had been working at a local county hospital but had taken a leave of absence to just deal with his family for a while. I didn't really blame him. It looked like a full time job.

On my way in I said hello to Henry and told him goodnight. He let me know that Jasper was already inside and had been for a while. It was weird coming home to someone and not just being by myself. It's like having a pet I guess. Suddenly I just realized I linked Jasper and an animal in the same group and was ashamed at my thoughts. Apparently I really needed a life.

I opened the door to the loft and was greeted with the sound of music gently playing throughout the apartment. I walked in and saw Jazz reading on the sofa.

"Hey how was class?" I asked as I went to get sit my bag down and take my jacket off.

"The usual. Civil War this, Union that, ridiculously inaccurate statements. Nothing out of the ordinary. You?" he responded as he looked away from his book.

"It was good. It's all pretty simple stuff being the second day and all, but at least I have never really studied psychology before so it's not something I've completely done before." I walked over to the adjourning love seat and flopped down.

"So what have you studied Ms. Black. I can only guess literature or English or something of the sort, but what else?" he asked obviously extremely curious.

"A little bit of everything I suppose…. except history. Only losers study that," I teased him.

Laughing genuinely he replied, "Wow… you are rather ridiculous. But I see yet again I will not get my answer. Why are you so mysterious?"

"Hey I know just as much about you as you know about me. I know your family, about how old you are, and what you are doing now. See, we're on the same page."

He squinted his eyes and replied, "Yeah I guess you're right." We sat in silence again, seemingly one of our favorite things to do, as I watched the sun dip below the horizon.

"I ran into Carlisle today," I blurted out, not really knowing where it came from.

"What did he want?" was his only reply. He didn't really seem all that surprised. Maybe he knew it was coming.

"At first nothing. Our whole meeting kind of seemed to be a coincidence, like we stumbled upon each other's thinking spots or something. Eventually though he said he missed me and he wanted me to sort of make amends with certain members of the family, to help them heal."

"And what did you say?"

"At first I was apprehensive. I don't like bringing up the past obviously so it didn't really look all that appealing. But… I agreed after I thought about it. I don't want any bad blood between us and I don't want to see Esme or Emmett sad. Plus, if we're going to spend eternity on this planet we might as well get along, right?" I replied, trying to lighten the mood at the end.

Apparently Jasper wasn't having any of it and still sat in a strained silence. "He called me this morning," was all he said after a few moments.

"He may have mentioned that."

"I told him that I was moving in with you for a while, to get away from the family. I emphasized that it was away from their emotions and not just from them as people. I don't think he was really bothered though. As I said, I've been kind of on the back burner for a while."

"He said you sounded happy," I added.

"I think… no I know, that I am. It's only been a day but I feel like this gigantic weight has been lifted. It feels good."

I couldn't really empathize. I felt like a giant weight had been put back on. We sat in silence again as Jasper returned to his book and I finished up some reading I needed to do for school. A few hours passed like this, just being with each other.

Finally Jasper had enough and spoke up. "So what does the infamous Marie do during the night huh? Corrupt school children? Start underground fighting organizations?"

I laughed at his accusations. I really wasn't that bad, which made me think Felix embellished his stories. "Sometimes I hunt, but that is hardly ever. Sometimes I read. Most of the time I… um… never mind, I don't think I'm going to tell you."

"What… why?"

"Cause you could probably make fun of me and if you did, I'd have to kick you out," I replied.

"No come on. I promise not to make fun of you or laugh or anything." He seemed a little to eager. Jasper needed some real excitement if this was really interesting.

"I don't know Jasper.. it's kind of embarrassing."

"Please," he pouted, sticking out his bottom lip.

I laughed whole-heartedly. "That is the most ridiculous face I've ever seen you make," I said between gasps.

"Come on Isabella, tell me."

"Gosh.. fine! Let me see if I can explain it to you. Um… what is the one thing you miss most about being human?" I asked.

Jasper looked taken back by my question. "I'm not sure… most of the same stuff I can do now anyway. I think… maybe I just miss how simple it all was compared to this. How much easier everything seemed."

I smiled at his admission. Things certainly got more complicated when I changed. "Okay… well the thing I miss most is sleeping. I like how refreshed you feel and no one really bothers you. I loved how it was a time of day where you could just be alone but you weren't lonely, it was expected. You could really think you know?"

"Okay… I see where this is going, but what does it have to do with what you do at night?"

"Well since I obviously can't sleep, most of the times as night I like to get into my pajamas, get under the covers, set the alarm, and just lay down with my eyes closed for the night. Sure it's not sleeping, but I still feel rested and calm afterwards."

He seemed to think about what I said. It really wasn't a very normal thing for a vampire to do. Most of us spent our nights being productive or moving about. I never really enjoyed it though. I reveled in the peace of just being.

"What are you thinking?" I finally asked. His silence was killing me.

"I think that I was mainly thinking how I had never thought about doing that before. With Alice she was always flittering about doing something or someone in the house was so it was always noisy. I never thought about just taking a few hours a day and 'sleeping'."

I smiled. Maybe I could get him to convert. "You should really try it out. It's relaxing."

"Okay," he responded. "Like tonight?"

"Sure why not?"

"Alright, but you have to show me the rules of how to do it. You must have perfected it by now." His teasing attitude was not lost on me.

"Okay, come to my room and we can try it out. Do you have any pajamas here?" I asked.

"Yeah, I went to get a few things today from the house after class. Luckily no one was there, probably all out at school or hunting, so I didn't have to deal with any questions. I wasn't ready for that I don't think."

"I'm not sure I would ever really be ready for facing them all again. Way too stressful." Jasper merely nodded his agreement.

"So anyways, so get your pajamas on and meet me in my room. I'll see you in a few minutes." I left the living room to go back to my room and change. I always had pajamas with me and I had the last ones for over a few years now. They were just regular pants with martini glasses on them. Don't make fun of me, they are comfortable. I threw on a casual tank top, put my hair in a ponytail and was ready to go.

Not long after I finished Jasper knocked lightly on my door and came in. He too had pajama pants on but they were just solid black. He had on a plain white t-shirt on top of it. He glanced at my attire and quirked up an eyebrow at my pants. "Shut it," was all I said. No one makes fun of my pants.

I walked towards the bed with my phone in my hand. "Okay so here it what you do first. Put your phone on the lowest setting so if it rings it can't be too loud. I used to always turn it off but one time in Morocco there was an emergency, and let's just say I don't turn it off anymore."

Jasper complied and turned his phone down and set it on his side of the bed's nightstand. "Next, you set the alarm clock. It's… 11:30 now so I'll set it for 5:30, which will give us a good six hours." Jasper just nodded.

"Okay now get under the covers and make yourself comfortable." We both complied and got under the covers. My bed was a queen size, never really seeing the need for a King while being all on my own. We still fit though without a problem and no real touching of body parts. I silently thanked whoever was above for that. It had been a long time for me and now would be the worst time for my libido to start acting up.

"Now I'm turning the lamp off so it's dark, or at least human dark in here. Then we close our eyes and we are not allowed to open them until the alarm goes off. Now Jasper, this is the most important rule. You are not allowed to get bored and leave, or keep your eyes open and look around. Eyes are closed for the next six hours, understand?"

"Yeah, yeah I get it. I also understand that you are one strange vampire." He smiled at me.

His words kind of hurt deep down. I had been called strange for quite a while and I didn't like the idea of being judged yet again and being cast as an outsider. I let my hurt feelings go seeing as this was Jasper, and probably didn't mean anything by it.

"Just shut up and close your eyes. No talking either, this is sleep mode time." I reached over and turned off the light. I snuggled back down with my pillow and turned so my back was to Jasper. "Goodnight Jazz."

"Goodnight," he replied and we fell into our sleeping silence. I had no idea how Jasper would take this, but it was so routine for me that I simply just shut my brain off and simply didn't think for the next few hours.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I was broken out of my silent state by the blaring sound of the alarm clock. I remember hating this being human and my feelings had not changed. I leaned over to turn the alarm off and the lamp on. I took an unnecessary stretch, sat up, and then finally looked at Jasper.

He looked….so…. peaceful. His posture, which often times is riddled with tension, was now laxed and his almost perpetual frown line was now invisible. He blinked as his vampire eyes quickly adjusted to the light and looked up at me.

"Good morning sunshine! Did you sleep well?" I asked. He already thought that I was crazy, I might as well just go full out.

Jasper was at a loss of words for a minute and then a slow smile grew on his face. "That was… there… there are no words for what that was." His smile told me he enjoyed it but he hadn't really said so.

"So good or bad?"

"Good… amazing... I really can't believe that I have never done that before. I feel so… normal. Well as crazy as it sounds I feel rested." Jasper laughed at his statement. It made sense to me but I guess to the non-crazy ones a vampire feeling rested is a bit ridiculous. We are never tired; therefore we should always be fine.

"Well I'm glad you enjoy it. Sure it's not as productive as what most do, but it's kind of addictive right?"

"Yeah, it's… it's like I want to tell everyone about it so they can see how amazing it is, but at the same time say nothing so it's my own little secret. Does that sound stupid?" he asked.

"Nope, I know exactly what you mean. I've been doing this pretty much since I was changed and only a very few people know about it. The first time I told Felix he called me nuts and refused to try it. As you can see, it's his loss."

Jasper simply nodded and got out of the bed. "Well I feel great. I think I'm going to take a long relaxing shower and get ready for the day. Got any plans today?"

I took his lead and got out of the bed too. "Just class for now. Carlisle might call me later but its not for sure. I'll let you know." I random thought came to my head and Jasper must have seen something on my face.

"What? You look kind of freaked out."

"No it's nothing. It's just sort of strange to live with someone, to check in with them, you know. I've pretty much just been a nomad most of my vampire life. It's… kind of nice I suppose."

Grinning, Jasper responded "Well get used to it. I plan on thoroughly wearing out my welcome. Since living here I now don't have to deal with emotions and can now sleep. Even if I went back there is no way I would ever be able to do that. So until you throw me out, you're stuck."

I grinned back. I couldn't help but think that it sounded really nice.

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After Jasper left to get ready I quickly did the same. He had class earlier than me today so I told him I would see him later as he left the loft. I cleaned up a little bit and then left myself. I saw Ryan on my way out and told him to have a good day too.

Class went by sort of slow. My mind seemed to always reflect on the whole Cullen situation. I subconsciously knew it was my intuition's way of letting me know I would have to deal with them again. I just didn't know how that would happen.

Class ended and I resigned myself to people watch from a bench on campus. I held up a book under the guise of reading, but I really was just staring at the people walking by. When I was human I never understood how Edward saw humanity. I just told him I wanted to be with him forever without thinking twice. I couldn't really see his side of things.

Looking at the people walking by I knew I had gained a fondness for the humanity I would never truly have again. I watched as couples walked hand in hand, people studying in groups trying to assert their own academic prowess over each other, but mainly I just saw people interacting.

Sure vampires interact; with each other, with humans, but there is something entirely different about watching humans do it. There is this sense of urgency to make connections, to not be alone, to be understood. Their lives were, in comparison, so short and watching them try to make the most of them was truly breathtaking.

I was broken from my quiet reflection from the sound of my phone ringing. I looked down and saw that it was Carlisle. Well intuition, you strike again. I took an unnecessary breath before I answered.

"Hello"

"Isabella, is now a good time?" he asked.

"Sure what's up?" I asked. I already knew this was going but a small part of me kind of liked listening to him squirm.

"Um… I was wondering if you had time today to meet with me... and maybe Emmett as well. Ever since I talked to you yesterday he has been pestering me non stop until about five minutes ago when I told him I would call you."

I smiled sadly at the thought of an over eager Emmett. Why must everything be so bittersweet? But I had already resigned myself to doing this, so there was no backing out now.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

"Well I figured you would pick the place since you wanted this on your terms. So anywhere you want is fine."

I glanced at my watch and realized that Jasper would probably be home. I didn't really want to have any sort of homecoming with an audience, especially when I knew how uncomfortable all the emotions would make him. But I didn't want to do this in public either.

Sighing loudly I turned my attention back to Carlisle, "Is there anyway you house is empty right now, or could it be in say an hour?"

"Sure," he said very excitedly. "I'll make sure of it. In an hour?"

"Yeah I'll be there. But I'm serious Carlisle, just you and Emmett. I don't think I can handle any more of you right now."

"You have my word. We will see you soon."

I hung up the phone with Carlisle and quickly called Jasper to tell him the plan. He told me to be careful and good luck… and to call him if I need rescuing. I laughed at the thought but took it seriously. If shit went down, I'm calling Jasper.

I took a cab and once I was out of the city I ran to their house. It was easy to find and it seemed much closer than it had the first time I came. The house looked much different in the daytime; a little more inviting and less intimidating. Yet I didn't get my hopes up cause I knew there was very little inviting going on at the Cullen house in regards to me.

I walked up to the house and reached up to knock on the door. Before my hand hit the wood it flew open and I was in the large, tight embrace that I barely remembered from years ago.

Before I could push him away or tell him to not touch me, an unexpected dry sob pushed itself from my chest.

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Next up is Emmett, but it won't go as well for him as he would like. Yet again, nothing is easy in this story, is it? Until then!


	7. Chapter 7

AN – Thank you for all of those who are supporting this story and me. It makes it easier to write new chapters if I think someone out there is actually going to read it.

Anyways, on to Chapter 7!

Kay Maria

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I reveled in his embrace for a few seconds as a couple dry dobs traitorously escaped from my chest. After I realized how weak I looked I quickly composed myself and gently pushed myself out of Emmett's embrace.

I looked at him as I got a few feet away. Obviously he still looked the same. Same large muscles, same dimples, same frat boy wardrobe. But just as I had seen a couple of nights ago, he looked worn, sad, and just plain done. I could empathize with the feeling. I kind of felt done as well.

"I missed you so much Belly," Emmett whispered as if his loud words would break the delicate situation that we had found ourselves in.

"Don't call me that Em," I said and watched as his face took on even more sadness. I felt bad for not making him feel better, but this wasn't just about him.

Carlisle spoke up from the corner of the living room where he was leaning against a wall. "How about we sit down? I have a feeling this may take a while."

We both agreed and made our way to the living room sofas. I sat on the same one I did the last time I was here and to be honest I didn't really feel that much better. Maybe we should have just done this in the garage or something. No harsh memories in there, or at least not yet.

Emmett and Carlisle took the couch on the opposite side of me and for a brief while just stared at me as if I had some sort of answer they wanted. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I didn't.

After a few more tense seconds I finally spoke up, "Well, I'm here, and I kind of have somewhere to be later so…." I trailed off. I wasn't sure what they were expecting.

"Okay then, I guess I'll just start," Emmett said and made a move to right his posture as if he was ready to get everything off this chest. "I know that you feel abandoned by us, and rightfully so. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I never stopped thinking about you as my little sister and I have regretted leaving since the moment that we did. I've missed you for a century and to know now that you've been around all this time makes it even worse. I just… I miss you so damn much."

Emmett let out a large breath and then turned his eyes to the floor. Carlisle patted his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"I… Em… geez this is kind of awkward isn't it." I rushed out. To be honest I wasn't really sure what to say. Part of me was just dying to jump into his arms and tell him that I was his little sister and that I missed him just as much. However, I knew I couldn't do that. There was too much bad blood to be forgiven by one 'I'm sorry'.

I cleared my throat and then tried again. "First of all I want to say that I don't really blame you for leaving. You had your coven and you all moved on. To be honest, over this past century I've simply just tried to not remember… anything. However, what I don't understand if how you could have left if you really did love me like you say, or think of me as family. You don't abandon your family. You don't leave them without a goodbye. You don't make them feel unloved and unwanted.

"If I'm being honest with myself I have missed you too, very much. You were like a brother to me… and when you left it fucking hurt. I really could have used you, any of you, over the past years. Things haven't been easy and I've pretty much been alone for a very long time."

"I understand…" Emmet started but I quickly cut him off.

"Don't say you understand Em. There is no way in hell that you understand. Not to sound bitchy but you haven't been alone ever in your vampire life. You were turned by your mate, joined her family, and have never been alone since. When was the last time you spent a whole day by yourself? Or a whole week? Then try decades Emmett. Try living decades with no real friends, no family, no one who loves you, and no one who even knows your name. Try that and then tell me you understand."

Emmett and Carlisle were quiet after my rant. Both of their eyes were turned down and not looking at me. "Look, I'm sorry to sound so harsh but you can't just expect me to forgive everything when you say I'm sorry with those puppy dog eyes of yours. It doesn't work like that."

"You forgave Jasper. In less than a day you forgave him and then he moved in with you. Why is he so different? Why does he deserve your forgiveness and not me?" Emmett pleaded with me.

"Because Emmett, Jasper and I weren't really friends before you all left. We spoke a few words to each other, but we never really talked or hung out. He didn't love me… hell we didn't even know each other. However, I did love you and I think that you loved me. We knew each other and I thought of you as my long lost brother that I never had. I can forgive someone who I didn't really know leaving me without saying anything, but my brother is a whole different story."

Emmett seemed to mull over my words and at last nodded his understanding. There was more of an awkward silence until Carlisle finally cleared it.

"Isabella we just want to get to know you again, that is all. Do you think that that would be okay?"

"Carlisle… in theory it sounds fine. Everyone could use a friend right? But how is that really going to work. Your family despises me. Does Alice even know what's going on right now." I turned my attention back to Emmett. "Does Rosalie know that you talking with me? I can't imagine she would be okay with that."

"As for Alice, we didn't tell her but she might get suspicious when our future disappear. Rosalie… no she doesn't know what I'm doing and you are right that she wouldn't be happy. She has a lot of anger in her that she is unwilling to let go," Emmett replied while twiddling his thumbs together.

"That's my point. If you want to go down this path then you're going to upset your family. As much as I would like to piss Rosalie off some more, I can't be the reason for more family strife. Perhaps it's easier if we just go our separate ways."

"Why don't you let us worry about everyone. We want this very much Isabella and I do not care if my daughters or son have a problem with it. I will not be denied if you allow it, and I will not allow any member of the family to be denied as well," Carlisle spoke with more authority than I had heard in a while.

I sat on the couch in thought for a while. Did I want this? Did I want to be friends again? I already promised Carlisle to help with the healing process, but to actually be emotionally invested again seemed a little to risky. Looking across the room into Emmett's eyes I knew what my heart wanted. It wanted its brother back and parts of its family. However, my head was incomplete disagreement. You learn certain survival skills if you're on your own over the years, and its hard to second-guess them.

"Alright, I will agree to let this go further and see what happens. However, I do not want any drama from your family. That is all on you. I don't know what Jasper has told everyone but I told him the same thing. I do love you all very much, but there is only so much I am willing to take." I let out a large breath and continued. "I don't mind if you want to come by my place if it makes it easier for you, either or you. I'll tell the building that you are allowed access. That… that is about the best that I can do for now."

Emmett, although still looking somewhat sad, gave me a huge grin and crossed the distance between us to pull me into another bone-crushing hug. This time I let him for as long as he wanted, and I knew that I wanted it to. Carlisle came over to us and hugged us both as well. Jesus… this was starting to look like a 'Leave it to Beaver' moment.

"Thank you Isabella," Carlisle said as he released us. Emmett followed his lead soon after.

"Oh don't thank me yet. Just you wait and find our what an evil harpy I can be. Then you'll be regretting this whole 'getting to know you' business," I teased as I made my way for the door. They gently laughed.

"I'll call you later. Maybe we can set something up?" Emmett said sounded better than he had all day.

"Yeah sounds good. Oh, and good luck with the family," I said then left the house. I really didn't envy them. I knew Edward could be a prissy bitch sometimes, and Rosalie was no better. Combined with how upset Alice might be or even Tanya for that matter and well, let's just say I wouldn't want to go near that house for the while. Jasper better thank me, I think I just saved him from hell.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"So what happens next?" Jasper asked. I headed home after my talk with Em and Carlisle and filled Jasper in on all the festivities. He listened patiently and only mentioned how he was glad he wasn't there. Being an empath must really suck at times.

"I don't know. I guess they call me. I'm not going to initiate anything." Even though I was relatively happy about getting back on track with at least some of the Cullens, I wasn't going to go out of my way to do it.

"Enough about me and my ridiculous melodramatic day. What did you do?" I asked.

"Went to class, came home, did homework, played some music… pretty much just chilled. I think I'm growing accustomed to this way of life Ms. Black," He replied while grinning at me.

"It is pretty exciting. Just don't get too carried away, you have to pace yourself," I joked back then took a look at my watch. "Hey I'm gonna head off to bed for my freaky vampire sleeping. I'll see you in the morning."

Jasper nodded and said he though he was going to do the same, just in his room this time. I went to my room to get ready and by the time I turned off the light I was practically in my happy 'no thought' place. However, instead of being woken up by my alarm, it was to the sound of my bedroom door opening revealing Jasper clutching a pillow to is chest.

"It's not the same in my room," he said and then pouted at me.

I genuinely laughed and sat up. "Jazz, you seriously look like a little kid who just came in to tell his parents he had a nightmare."

He had the good sense to look embarrassed but just continued to pout. "Can I sleep in here with you?" he asked.

"Fine, fine, come on in here big guy," I said as I pulled the covers up on the other side. Jasper wasted no time in jumping under them and settling himself onto the bed. A small smile grew on my face as I saw how peaceful he looked there 'sleeping' next to me. I laid back down and got comfortable myself.

"Goodnight Jazz," I said as I closed my eyes. Before I reached turned off my thoughts I heard a very faint 'Goodnight' coming from his side of the bed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Just like the day before we were awoken by the alarm and then separated to get ready for the day. Jasper walked to me to school and I went to classes. Instead of hanging out afterwards again I just decided to head home. As I came up on the building I was Ryan at the door with a big smile on his face.

"What is it with you and the male visitors Ms. Black? If I didn't know any better I would think you were a hussy," he teased me.

"Seriously, did you just say hussy? Who says hussy?" I replied.

"I do," was all he said still grinning at me.

I laughed at his playfulness. "So you said something about a male visitor?"

"Yeah, his last name was Cullen and I remember you saying their last name so I sent him on up. He's only been here for a half hour or so."

I wondered what Emmett was doing here. Perhaps it was Carlisle, they both went by Cullen still. I thanked Ryan and told him to tell Melissa hi for me again. As I got to my room my intuition was going sort of crazy, but I couldn't pinpoint why. All I knew what that my body was telling me to go in the opposite direction.

Going against my instincts I shrugged them off and opened my door. What was to fear from Carlisle or Emmett? However, when the door swung open it was not their scents I was met with. Instead of running away like a coward I decided to stand my ground.

I took a few steps into my apartment and without looking at the visitor sitting on my sofa, I took of my bags and said, "What are you doing here Edward?"


	8. Chapter 8

AN – Thanks again to my reviews and those who have put the story on alert or favorites!!

Kay Maria

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I find my courage and walk into my living room. Edward, smirking on the couch, decides to say nothing. I have to admit that he looked good, really fucking good. My mind was on that train of thought for about five seconds until I realized what an unbelievable bastard he was.

I sit down on the love seat, lean back into the cushion and smirk, "Well?"

"I came here to tell you to stay away from my family," he says, his voice thick with anger.

"First of all Edward, you don't tell me what to do. I'm not some lovesick 17-year-old girl anymore that you can control. Secondly, it's your family that seems to not be able to stay away from me."

"You will stay away from them, you will not talk to them, and you will not see them. You're like a poison, Bella, that destroys everything you touch. My family has never been the same since you came into our lives. I have never been the same. You have no right to fuck everything up again." He was literally steaming on the couch.

"Funny, I don't remember fucking everything up in the first place." I responded. This whole blame me for everything routine was getting old really quick. "And don't call me Bella."

"Fine, Isabella. All those years ago I told you to leave me alone. I told you I was the bad guy, but you never listened to me. You just kept pushing and pushing until I fell in love with you. Then you wanted me to turn you, to make you into one of us by telling me that you wanted me forever. What a load of bullshit. I see that even without me, you still changed. You just wanted immortality and you didn't care who you fucked with to get it."

It took everything bit of self-control I had not to stand up and beat the shit out of him. How could he even think of such a thing? "Edward the only thing I am guilty of is falling in love with a vampire who didn't love me back. I think you need to stop blaming me for everything and put some on yourself. I didn't force you fall for me, I didn't force you to leave, and I SURE AS HELL didn't force someone to change me." I was all but screaming towards the end.

"Get off your fucking high horse and take some responsibility. You playing the sympathy card is getting really old," I finished. His face was still wrought with anger but it had lessened a little.

"You walked into our lives and changed everything. You made everything worse. You destroy things Isabella, and I don't want my family destroyed again."

His words hurt me more than I cared to mention. I had too often thought in the past that I was the reason for destroying the people I love. But I couldn't get into my past memories now. It would only lead down a rabbit hole that I didn't know how to escape.

"Edward, did you ever stop to wonder if you destroyed me? If your family destroyed me as well? You fucking told me you loved me only to say that I wasn't good enough for you and left me to practically die in a forest. Your family abandoned me along with you. Jasper says that you left to protect me, but that is such bullshit obviously. Did you ever once think that maybe you all had a negative impact on my life too. That I wouldn't be like this," I yelled gesturing to myself, "if you hadn't wandered in, turned my world upside down, and then wandered right back out?"

"What the hell do you mean?" he responded clearly confused but still angry.

"I mean me, being a vampire, because of you and your family. You never wanted me a vampire Edward, well you should have thought of tying up loose ends while you were at it. When you left you left me all alone, unprotected. Fuck you for thinking I wanted this without you, and fuck you for blaming me for your family falling apart."

"You're delusional, how the hell could we be to blame for you being a vampire? You just want someone to blame to feel better about your shitty decisions. Well guess what? I will not be that person for you!" Edward yelled back. God I hated drudging up all of this shit. I'm just glad Jasper wasn't home to emotionally bare all of this ridiculousness.

"I'm not delusional Edward. Do you know the last word's I heard before I was changed? It was 'She'll be so pissed off if I get to you first. She wanted to kill you in front of your precious Edward. She won't have the opportunity now." How the fuck could I misconstrue that as my changing having nothing to do with you?"

Instead of hearing Edward's reply I heard a barely audible gasp at the door. I quickly turned around to see Jasper and the rest of the Cullens standing in my open doorway. Great this just gets better and better.

"What the hell are you all doing here?" I replied sounded more defeated than I cared to.

Carlisle stepped forward and into the apartment and put his hands up in a surrendering gesture. "We were with everyone and Alice's vision of Edward cut off. We only interpreted it meaning that he would come and find you. Seeing as I know you don't want that, Emmett and I came to try to fix the situation, but the whole family decided to come along against our protests." He quickly added, "and we met up with Jasper outside the building."

I looked at Jasper and his appearance was worse than I had seen in days. He looked stressed out and in pain. I quickly walked the distance between us, but my hands on the side of his face, and tilted it up to look me in the eyes. "Hey, focus. Don't let it get to you okay. Try to control it."

At first his pain filled eyes didn't seem to register but slowly he seemed to calm, if only briefly. "Focus on me. You can't feel my emotions, so focus on me. Can you do that?"

He slowly nodded as he still held my gaze. The tension in his body seemed to lesson and his eyes seemed to show more understanding. He finally let out a big breath of air. "Better?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said but still didn't leave my embrace. I turned to look at the others who all were staring at us open mouthed.

"Okay you all either need to calm down or leave. You are seriously going to make Jasper want to off himself or something and he has had to deal with you all for long enough." They slowly nodded and I walked Jasper to sit down in the living room. "Just keeping focusing on me alright. Let me know if it gets too much and I'll make them leave alright?"

He nodded again and looked mildly relieved. He mouthed 'thank you' to me before he leaned into the couch and closed his eyes.

The rest of the members seemed to filter around the apartment as the Jasper situation was neutralized. Edward still hadn't moved from his position on the sofa. "Not that this isn't lovely and everything, but I think you should just say what you need to and leave. This is my home, and now Jasper's, and I will not be treated in a hostile manner in it."

Felix decided to leave the pack then and flop down beside me, throwing his arm over my shoulder. "This is a nice place Marie. I still see you have the hideous chair with you," he said as he inclined towards my dad's recliner.

I playfully shoved his shoulder, "Of course. You're just jealous because I love that chair more than you." He pretended to look hurt but eventually just smiled. The rest of the family came into the living room and settled down somewhere. The tension between Emmett and Rosalie was palpable, and I kind of felt sorry for him. Alice didn't look too happy with my position with her husband, but she didn't say anything about it. Esme still looked a little sad but mostly relieved. Tanya looked upset and went to go sit next to her husband. Carlisle looked… well he just looked like himself.

"Is it true?" Esme finally said.

"What?" I asked confused.

"About you being turned."

I let our a deep breath and looked at Felix, "I think you're gonna like this conversation." I turned to the rest of the family and leaned into Felix's embrace. "Every word," I finally said.

"I don't believe you," Rosalie sneered in her corner.

"You either calm down or leave. Have some respect for your brother," I demanded turning my gaze towards her. She looked appropriately reprimanded for a few seconds until her sneer came back on. I guess some things never change.

"I don't really care if you believe me Rosalie because it doesn't make it less true."

"Who could Edward know that would want to kill you?" Jasper asked genuinely concerned and intrigued. I debated what to say. I hadn't thought out this stuff or told anyone anything in so long. Part of me felt like they had no right to know. Another part said that telling them would probably hurt them, and I was ashamed that a small part of me liked that idea.

After my internal debate I looked Edward dead in the eye and finally just whispered, "Laurent" which was followed by several gasps around the room as well as Edward's wide eyes.

"I remember a Laurent. He stayed with us for a while but couldn't handle the whole animal thing," Tanya said, obviously not noticing the tension around the room.

"That would be the one Tanya," I said matter of factly. None of this was her fault; no reason to get upset with her.

"And the 'she' he referred to would be…" Jasper continued.

"Victoria," I said followed by a dry sob from Esme. Edward's angry scowl was now replaced by understanding and defeat.

"She wanted you because I killed James?" he asked although we both knew the answer.

"That was the idea."

"Wait… what the hell are any of you talking about?" Felix suddenly exclaimed.

"When Bella was still human we ran across a nomad named James, his mate Victoria, and their friend Laurent. James decided that he wanted Bella and got pretty close until we arrived and Edward ultimately killed him. Laurent was supposed to go to Denali. Victoria was never heard from again, or at least I thought so," Carlisle explained trying to get him up to speed.

"Oh," he said. "And then you guys left and Laurent changed Marie? Why would he change her?" Felix was just full of questions.

Everyone looked at me expecting the answer. It is true that changing me made no sense at all. I could already see Rosalie smirking feeling like she found the whole in my interwoven lies. Oh how wrong she was.

"He never intended to change me."

At this Edward snorted, "What? Did you fight him off? I knew this didn't make sense." Great, apparently him and Rosalie are both equally stupid.

"I had… protection," I said. "It was just a little too late." The room looked at me even more curious than before. I knew what they were thinking. Who the hell would protect you against a vampire?

"And who the hell would protect you against a vampire?" Rosalie sneered. Ah, how very unoriginal.

"Let's just say people who loved me and did not leave me behind. You can consider that topic closed," I said not willing to go further. I gave them a large chunk of what happened, but they were not getting the rest. They didn't know and honestly I felt like they hadn't deserved it.

There was an awkward silence the filled the room. I don't know what I was expecting. It was the first time I told the story of how I was changed since it happened pretty much. I think a small part of me was expecting some sort of hoopla to be made about it. I guess my mysteries really aren't all that exciting after all.

Felix squeezed my shoulder after a while and leaned his head toward mine. "Well my beautiful Marie, I have learned more about you from tonight than I had since I met you. It was pretty exciting to say the least."

"No Felix, you just learned about my past. You know more about the real me than pretty much anyone in this room. Don't forget that old friend"

He smiled at that and released my shoulder from his embrace. I went to look at the clock and saw that is was almost midnight. "Well this has been fun and all but I have plans so… scoot." I made a shooing motion with my hands toward the door.

When no one made a motion to get up I shot Carlisle a look that basically said, 'get a hold of your family'.

"Alright everyone. Isabella has been more than accommodating this evening and has given you all more respect than some of you honestly deserved. She has asked you to leave her home, and you will all now do so." He then turned to me. "Thank you for sharing your story, although I have a feeling the more exciting part has yet to be mentioned."

I smiled at him and said, "Goodnight Carlisle." If he thought I was going to bare any more of my soul because we started to become on more amicable terms, he had another thing coming.

Everyone started to get up besides Jasper and make their way to the door. Only Esme and Emmett said goodbye before they left and closed the door. I looked over at Jasper. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just that I have had so much peace and quiet recently that when it all came crashing down I just kind of snapped. Thank you for helping me," he replied as he got off of the couch and unnecessarily moved to stretch him limbs.

"You know what will make you feel better? A nice long night of sleep!" Jasper agreed and within ten minutes we were both in our peaceful place just trying to forget the world.

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So what do you think?


	9. Chapter 9

AN – Hey everyone. Thanks for all of your reviews. Since this is my first story I realized that I was replying to your reviews the wrong way and you haven't gotten any of them. Basically I am so happy you like the story but I would love your input as well, and I promise to reply correctly from now on.

Now, onto chapter 9. Don't get your hopes too far up, but let's say it ends with a very steamy cliffy!

Kay Maria

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The next few weeks went by with a lot less drama. I spent my days at school and my nights hanging out with Jasper. Emmett came by a couple of times to just hang out. I was surprised how quickly our brother/sister relationship formed. Although, now it was a lot more fun due to the fact that I could actually retaliate. Let's just say our practical jokes became a lot more fun.

My relationship with Jasper was another surprise. Everything was just so easy with him. We would sit in silence or talk about our days. He never asked more about my past and I never asked about his. He was the first person I had come across in a long time who just let me be.

Before I knew it, I was walking home from my last class before thanksgiving break. As I approached the building I smiled as I saw Ryan staring at a group of well dressed women standing by the street.

"Am I going to have to tell Melanie her husband is a horndog?" I teased as I went to stand beside him. His eyes quickly darted to mine and slowly smiled.

"She knows she's the only one in my heart. You can't blame a man for looking," he replied. We sat in silence for a few seconds until he spoke again. "She's pregnant you know."

"Who? Melanie?" I asked shocked.

"Yeah, she just found out yesterday. She's about six weeks along we think. She goes to the doctor next week." I looked at his eyes and I could see his excitement, but there was something else there.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm really excited about being a dad. I can't wait to teach him or her things and go to parks and zoos."

"But…" I continued, obviously something was bothering him.

"But who wants their dad to be a doorman. What real future can I offer my family? This was all supposed to be temporary to pay off Mel's loans but everyday it becomes more permanent. I'm going to be here in twenty years doing the same thing. What kind of example is that to my kids?" He looked so sad and defeated.

I tried to think of what to say to ease his worries. "Did you know that my dad was a police chief?"

"Was?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. Crap, I didn't think about that.

"Um.. yeah. He passed away. Anyway, do you know what I remember most about him?"

Ryan showed pity on his face for a second but then replied, "What?"

"I remember how much he loved me. He was a simple man who enjoyed fishing and sports. He didn't achieve any great feats in his life. He didn't go to college and he wasn't a rich man. But he loved me, and that is what I remember." If I were human I would have shed a tear or two, but I tried to let dwell on my happy memories with Charlie.

Ryan gave me a sad smile but nodded. "So I can promise you that that little girl or boy is going to worship the ground you walk on as long as you just love them. Now, enough of this mushy stuff. Tell Mel I said congratulations!"

"Will do Ms. Black? You know you're a lot smarter than I thought."

"I'm not sure if that is a compliment or insult but thank you," I laughed and walked into the building. I couldn't help but be a little jealous of Ryan. Having a child is a miracle that I knew I would never have. Maybe he would let me babysit?

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As I walked into the loft I saw Jasper wandering around the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" I asked. I don't think I ever saw Jasper in the kitchen.

"Well apparently Felix invited some of his school friends to Thanksgiving since they weren't going home for the holidays. I'm trying to see if I can make stuffing… but it's not working out really well."

I laughed. It was definitely like Felix to invite people over but to put the cooking on other people. "I'm sure Esme knows how," I replied as I walked towards him and his mess.

"Yeah, but we're doing this sort of pot luck thing which by the way you are invited to. I chose stuffing because you can just add water from the box, but apparently it's not that easy," he said as he waved over the pots he had attempted to make stuffing in.

I was amused and a little shocked. I couldn't really believe that they invited me over. It wasn't exactly like I was family; to be honest I was more like a black sheep.

"Who invited me?" I responded. For some reason that was important.

"Alice actually. She kind of feels bad about how things have gone and this is her olive branch gesture." To say I was shocked was an understatement.

"I thought she hated me," I replied.

"I think she mainly feels guilty now. Before I think she was upset because if you weren't in our lives than maybe we would still be together, and she wouldn't have had to deal with all of this drama over the years. But I think that she's happy now with Felix, happier than with me," he replied while looking a little sad.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I guess… its just… do you think there is only one person out there for everyone?" he asked.

"I really hope not. If so then I'm kind of screwed," I replied.

"Isabella, not to be mean but I don't think that you can compare Alice and I to you and Edward." He actually looked a little scared admitting it, but I wasn't angry. I felt the same way.

"I was not talking about Edward," I replied softly. Shock showed on Jasper's face but he knew not to dig any deeper.

"Do you think that Alice was you're one shot and now there's nothing left?" I asked.

"Maybe. I mean when you mate it's supposed to be for life right. But we didn't, and now she has a new mate but what about me?"

"I don't really know what to say. But if Alice found Felix I'm sure you can find someone else too. It probably just took her less time since she can see the future and then make it happen. Not all of us have that luxury and just have to wait for the future to become our present in its own time." I smiled at him hoping to ease his worry. To be honest the idea of Jasper with anyone else made my stomach hurt just a little. I liked our arrangement and I didn't want anyone coming in the way of it.

Jasper merely nodded apparently pleased with my answer and turned back to the destroyed kitchen.

"So do you think you'll come over? And before you answer please say yes because I know that you used to be good with this cooking stuff and I am in some serious need of help here," Jasper said.

I laughed. He needed more than serious help, but I wasn't going to tell him that. "Yeah I guess I'll go. If Alice is making an effort than so can I. Plus with humans there Rosalie and Edward can't get in my face too much." I smiled at the thought. It would be nice to have a normal evening with the Cullens. Well, as normal as a vampire Thanksgiving can be anyway.

"Great, I'll be sure to let the family know. Now, show me how to work this thing," he said as he pointed to the stove top. I rolled my eyes and pulled him over to it.

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After a few more failed attempts Jasper finally got the hang of it and was quite pleased with his homemade concoction. He tried to get me to just make it on my own, but I wouldn't let him get away with it.

Before I knew it we were packing up our food and heading out to the Cullens. We took Jasper's car that he brought over the night before so we didn't have to run or take a cab there. I grinned as I looked over and saw Jasper driving holding the stuffing container in his lap. He really was too proud of himself. I decided to make pumpkin cookies, a favorite Thanksgiving recipe of mine from way back in the day. It wasn't a usual food, but I thought the kids would like them.

We pulled up into the long drive way and I noticed that everyone was here; including a car I didn't know that I assumed to be Felix's friends. I glanced over at Jasper and smiled. "Ready?"

"Do you mean am I ready to spend an evening eating disgusting food only to throw it up later? You betcha. Now come on, let's go," he teased.

We walked into the house, which was booming with activity. Apparently Felix invited four friends over for the day, all of which were boys. Two of them were in the den watching the games with Emmett while the other two were helping out in the kitchen. Most of the Cullens were spread around the house doing this or that, just to seem busy. We walked into the kitchen and set out food down on the counter.

"Well Esme I think you have outdone yourself this year," I gushed, trying to keep up a human appearance. She turned to me with a big smile on her face.

"Oh it's so good to see you Isabella. I'm so glad that you decided to come." She embraced me for a few seconds and then went around trying to get the food plated and ready. Rosalie saw me, but didn't say anything and just went to help Esme.

Within the next twenty minutes the food was set up on the table and we were all gathered around to eat. Part of me kind of felt bad for the family who had to pretend to eat an entire meal. It didn't phase me though, one of my many quirks I guess.

The table was at relative ease while Felix's friends talked about their winter vacation plans while the rest of the family nodded and tried to spit out their food in their napkin. I happily at the meal in front of my plate.

Ever since I turned I never craved human food, but I didn't mind it either. It was like breathing I suppose. Not necessary but not uncomfortable. As the meal went on the family gave me more and more questioningly looks that I ignored. The meal went by pretty well. One of the boys decided to try and hit on Rosalie, which Emmett immediately took care of. It was quite funny how possessive he could be.

After the meal and a round of dishes later the guests said their goodbyes and took off in their car. As soon as they were out of hearing distance Emmett practically shouted, "Okay that was disgusting. Are we taking turns puking or what?"

The rest of the Cullen's followed Emmett outside and headed for the treeline. I didn't make a move because I didn't need to. "You coming?" Jasper said as he followed the rest outside. Before I had a chance to respond I heard the booming laugh that could only belong to Felix.

"Why would Marie come? This is pretty disgusting."

"Um… maybe because she ate too, a lot more than us in fact." Edward responded sounding rather annoyed.

"You don't know?" Felix asked curiously.

"Know what Felix," Alice responded staring at her husband. Felix glanced at me as if it were okay to tell them. Instead of responding I just spoke for myself.

"I can eat human food. It's not a problem."

Instead of a response I was met with a stunned silence and Felix's grin. He really liked knowing more about me than they did.

"What… how… what do you mean it's not a problem?" Jasper finally asked.

"It's not a problem. It doesn't taste bad, I don't have to throw it up."

"Okay so this is going to sound gross but how do you… you know… get rid of it," Emmett asked shyly. I didn't think that anything could gross him out.

"I burn it off as energy," I simply stated.

"Well then why don't you eat human food more often? It would help with your cover and if it's not an inconvenience it would make sense," Jasper asked.

"Um… well after I eat it I have to burn the energy and it makes me kind of… hyper," I finally settled on.

Felix's booming laugh echoed through the near by woods as he almost fell over laughing. "Is that what you call it Marie?" he finally asked.

"Shut it Felix," I warned.

"Oh no no no. You can't tell them this story and leave out the best part."

"I said shut it Felix," I warned again.

"What are you talking about? What's the best part," Emmett asked curiously.

Before I could tell Felix to shut it a third time he responded. "Well instead of hyper replace it with the word… frisky… or horny… maybe ridiculously aroused… Oh how about…" Felix continued on before I interrupted him.

"That's enough Felix. I'm pretty sure they get the picture," I growled at him seriously considering attacking him.

Most of the family looked rather amused by the latest turn of events. Jasper and Emmett's grin couldn't get any bigger while Carlisle and Esme had the good sense to look slightly uncomfortable. Edward mainly just looked shocked. The others feel somewhere in between.

"Well thank you Felix for embarrassing the crap out of me. Now why don't you go in the woods and throw up like a good little vampire?" I asked.

"Sure Marie, but what are you going to do now that you have no one to work off your… hyperactivity with?" he teased trying to get a rise out of me. It was working.

"None of your business Felix!" I all but shouted, only causing him to laugh harder.

"Well Marie if you need any help…" before he could finish his sentence I lunged at him and pinned him to the ground.

"First of all, if you finish that sentence you will regret it. Secondly, you are married now and your wife deserves a lot more respect that you are giving her. You need to apologize and then grovel for forgiveness. And thirdly, you don't need to worry about me taking care of anything. It might have been a decade since I've had some, but that doesn't mean that I have forgotten how it's done. You of all people should remember that."

With that I leapt off of him and walked into the house leaving a group of shocked vampires behind. I couldn't care less at the moment, Felix really pushed all of my buttons and he was lucky he all of his appendages intact. Others have not been so fortunate.

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Six hours and five hundred miles later I was not really feeling all that well. Instead of trying to work off my energy in a sexual way I was trying out physical exercise instead. Apparently that was a bad decision because I was more frustrated than I was by the time I left the Cullen house.

It was almost sunrise as I made my way back to the loft. I thought if I could try some sleeping it would help ease the feeling that was steadily growing in my stomach that I have long sense felt.

As I made my way up to the door I spotted Ryan, and I knew I was in trouble. I didn't just see Ryan but I saw the way the muscles of his back moved as he went to open the door for a man who lived a floor below me. I saw how his thighs strained in his dress pants and how his ass flexed with his movements. As he went to close the door I saw how his chest muscles moved up and down and…..SHIT.

This was Ryan. Married Ryan. Soon to be a father, Ryan. I had to get up to the loft, like immediately. I tried to run past him but he stopped me before I could reach the door.

"Are you okay Ms. Black," he asked with real concern on his face. If I were human I would be sweating. For him to notice a difference in my appearance meant that I was in bad shape.

"Yes Ryan, I'm just not felling like myself. I think I'll head to the loft and take some medicine." Before he replied I practically ran through the lobby and headed up to the loft, opting to the take the stairs because the elevators were way to damn slow.

I opened the stairway doors and practically ran for my loft. I took my key out and shakily placed it into the key hole and turned it. I threw open the door and closed it behind me. This was not good. I needed to find someone but I hadn't really made any friends here yet. I was getting to the point where I was just going to grab a random person on the street.

I was startled out of my planning by a chocking gasp, "Isabella?"

I whipped my face around to stare at Jasper, but yet again this wasn't just Jasper. I saw Jasper's biceps bulging with strain and I only thought how he would have to flex as he held my back thrusting into me. Jasper's abs stuck out of his tight T-shirt and I wondered how they would taste. Jesus Christ I was loosing it.

"Jasper," I managed to moan out and then looked in his eyes. I was expecting concern or confusion but I was met with his dark eyes that showed how much he was thinking the same things I was.

There was no doubt about it. Somehow Jasper was feeling the intensity of my emotions, which apparently was making us both unbelievably horny.

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What did you think? It's a little deviation from what's been going on.


	10. Chapter 10

AN – Hello everyone! This whole chapter below is a lemon so if you don't like it, skip it and the next chapter will be up soon. There may be some mistakes as I haven't had any real time to edit it much. This is my first lemon so try not to be too harsh. As always, let me know what you think!

Anyways, on to Isabella and Jasper!

Kay Maria

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I stared into Jasper's lust filled eyes and my mind went through all the possibilities. Maybe I could just leave, but the possibility of running into Ryan again was too high and I knew I couldn't handle that. Maybe I could ask Jasper to leave, but one look into his eyes told me that wasn't going to happen.

"Isabella I can finally feel your emotions and I have to say that you are projecting the strongest amount of lust that I have ever experienced," Jasper practically drawled way too seductively. A little piece of me melted at his voice as I simply just whimpered.

"I tried…running… I tried to run off the energy. It… didn't work so I came home to try sleeping," I explained weekly.

Jasper stood from the couch and walked closer to me in a predatory manner. For once I did feel like the prey and he was stalking me. It wasn't a bad feeling; in fact it was so damned exciting.

He came impossible close so that our chests were touching and he leaned into my neck sniffing me. "My, my Isabella. You smell so fucking good right now." He then took one long like on my neck making me shudder. "God… you taste even better. My whole brain is telling me to stop right now. That we don't really want this and it's just due to the emotions, but I don't think I can stop." He then nibbled gently on the curve where my neck met my shoulder. "Fuck I can smell you dripping and I can't stop. It's been so long."

I moaned as he took his left hand and started to gently caress my lower back as his right hand grabbed my hip and pulled me hard into his body. Some small part of my brain was telling me this was Jasper, but that part was easily silence when his left hand moved down to my ass as he gripped it roughly.

"How long has it been for you Isabella? How long has it been since a man touched you like this? Licked you like this?"

My mind was incoherent for a few seconds at this forceful Jasper. He was turning me on even more than I was, and that's really saying something. "Ele….elev…eleven years." I finally stuttered out.

Jasper's grip on my ass hardened even more as his right hand stroked up my rib cage playing with the under curves of my breasts. He let out a strangled moan at my admission. "Fuck, it's been fifteen for me my Isabella. But I don't remember it feeling like this ever. I don't remember it smelling or feeling this good. I don't remember them responding this much. I can feel your lust and I've never felt hornier in my whole existence."

I moaned out loud and I needed relief. Jasper was taking too long. I could no longer thing that this was my ex-best friend's ex-husband; how this was my ex-boyfriends brother. All I could think of was how musky he smelled and how strong his arms felt wrapped around me. How much I wanted to touch every piece of skin on his body and taste it too.

Finally finding my voice I replied. "Jasper, I know this is wrong on so many levels. But if you keep touching me I'm going to throw you into my room and have my way with you. I am way past the point of caring if you want it or not."

"Fuck… O I want it. I want it every way imaginable. How do you want it Isabella? Slow and soft or fast and hard. Do you want to ride my cock while your luscious tits bounce up and down. Do you want to be on all fours while I take you from behind and spank that deliciously firm ass of yours. Fuck… I can picture fucking you numerous ways and each one excites me just as much as the last."

I moaned embarrassingly load at his ideas. I wanted that too… so much. Jasper finally stopped his teasing touches and full out groped my breasts causing my nipples to become impossibly hard. He chuckled at my body's response. I couldn't find anything remotely funny about what we were doing.

"Jasper," I breathed heavily as I tiled his head up and licked his bottom lip, causing him to groan. "If you are not in my bedroom naked in less than ten seconds I will leave this loft and attack the first person I see."

He didn't have to hear it twice as he immediately let go of me and sprinted to the bedroom. I wouldn't not have been able to see it if I were still human. My body quickly followed behind him and when I came to my bedroom door I couldn't help but stare at the gorgeously naked man in front of me.

His scars were more prominent on his arms as I had seen, but they were actually everywhere. His entire torso was covered with them. Oddly enough they seemed fitting on Jasper, like there were always meant to be there. He was about to see more of my scars as well, so I hope he wouldn't mind.

Taking in more of his body not only did I realize that he was ready, but he was huge. Now Felix is no small man, but he had nothing on Jasper. How the hell could Alice get rid of this?

"Are you going to stare at me all night Isabella," jasper cooed from his position in the room, a small smile playing on his lips.

I growled and started to take off my clothes as well. However two very strong hands stopped me.

"Allow me darling," he whispered in my ear causing me to shiver. His hands slowly grazed down my sides until they came to the bottom of my shirt. He played with the hem for a few seconds until he slowly began to lift it up. His pace was excruciating seeing as how I was dying here.

Trying to speed up the process I tried to focus all of my lust at Jasper who immediately fell to his knees moaning.

"I don't think you understand Jasper. Does it feel like I want this to be slow? Does it feel like you can take your time?" I questioned.

He lifted his gaze to meet mine and his eyes became impossibly darker. "Fuck Isabella, I don't think you know what you're asking for." He seemed to be holding back, afraid to hurt me.

I dropped on my knees to become level with him. He was still naked and I was still clothed. This situation was entirely not right. "You seem to still think of me as a breakable little girl Jasper. Don't think of me as the sweet innocent Bella you once knew. Think of me as Marie, the girl from all of Felix's stories. Think of me as probably being able to hurt you more than you could hurt me. But more importantly, think of me as becoming impatient and extremely frustrated."

Realization came to his eyes as he took in the information. I smug grin came to his face and less than three seconds later my clothes were torn to shreds on the floor and I was kneeling completely naked with him.

"Well we can't have that now can we," he whispered in my ear. "Now, .." He spoke slowly but with menace in his voice. Who knew Jasper had it in him; this could actually be fun.

Apparently I hesitated too long for his liking as he grabbed me by my arms and threw me on the bed. In an instant he was on top of me, pinning down my arms above my head. I couldn't help the small giggle that erupted from my lips. It had been too long since I had done this.

"Do you think this is funning darling? I can promise you, nothing about this situation is funny. I'm going to make you scream the most inappropriate noises, but I guarantee none of them will involve you giggling." To prove his point his ground his hips into mine causing us both to moan.

"I was trying to take this slow and go easy on you my Isabella, but that simply won't do. This is going to be rough, fast, and it will not be over soon." I whimpered at the thought of Jasper taking control over me. I'd been in control so long that it felt nice for someone else to be in charge.

Jasper slowly crept down my body, teasing it on his way. His lips were excruciating as they suckled my neck and then my collarbone. His hands left my wrists and slowly traced my arms. He traced my scars on my left arm which actually felt wonderful."

"You have scars to match mine my Isabella. They oddly fit you. Most of your skin is smooth as silk, but some of you is rough and wild. How fitting," he whispered against my skin as his body still slowly tortured mine.

"I thought you said this wouldn't be slow Jasper. I need this… you… right now. Stop fucking teasing me, be a man, and take me." I spoke to him in a calm but menacing voice.

Jasper didn't seem to take my insult about being a man well as he flipped me immediately over onto my stomach and lifted up my hips; causing my ass to look like an offering. Fuck I'd offer anything if he would just get to it.

"My my Isabella. What a dirty little mouth you have. I was planning on tasting that sweet little cunt of yours before I took my own pleasure, but now I'm not sure if you deserve it." He took his left hand from my hips and slowly slid it up my sex causing me to buck my hips closer and gasp.

"Fuck… you're so fucking wet. You're dripping own your own thighs and off of my hand. " He lifted his wet hand to his lips and we both moaned as he tasted me on them. "Fuck you taste good too. This night will not be done until I've had my fill Isabella." At that he took both of my hips and expertly filled me with his awaiting sex.

"Fuck," we both shouted together, but probably for different reasons. He was just so… so big. He filled me up and stretched me out. If I had been human he would have torn me to shreds. But I wasn't human anymore, and I couldn't be happier about that fact than I was right now.

Jasper still hadn't moved since his original plunge so I tried to get him going by swirling my hips. He felt so deliciously, sinfully good. Jasper immediately grasped my hips to stop my movement.

"Darling, if you want this to last you need to calm down for a second. It's been way too long and you are way too tight. I've never felt something so… warm. Fuck it sounds crazy but you're so fucking warm," he groaned. I turned my head and looked over my shoulder to get a glimpse of him. His eyes were closed and his brow furrowed in deep concentration.

After a few more seconds I was getting impatient and was just about to tell him so when he suddenly pulled out and slammed back in again. "God Bella, it's like your pussy was molded for my cock," he kept talking as he slammed into me over and over. I couldn't even correct him on the name, I was way too far gone.

"Fuck… yes Jazz. Made for you…" I grunted out as I took everything he was giving me.

He kept up his pace and I was unbelievably close to cumming. Suddenly he stopped and flipped me over on my back and slammed into me again. "I want to watch your face as you come my Isabella." He grunted out as he stared into my eyes. The things he was doing to my body were so perfect, as if he knew exactly what I liked and needed.

I looked at his face and wondered how I never knew how gorgeous he really was. He blonde hair flopped around and if he were human would be damp from sweat. His lust-ridden eyes starred deep into mine as if he were noticing the change in our movements too. I slowly took my right arm and hooked it behind his neck. I gently pulled him until he was inches away from my mouth.

At some point something started to change. I didn't know if it was the way he was looking at me or how his body was making mine feel. All I knew is that while I was merely inches away from his lips, I couldn't help but wonder why we had never done this before.

"Jasper," I finally whispered.

"Bella," he whispered back and suddenly his lips were attached to mine. His pace became slower but impossibly deeper as our mouths connected. His tasted like… fuck he tasted like fall. Like leaves changing and bonfires. He was the best thing I had ever tasted. We continued our slow pace while kissing until, like before, I was getting close; closer an closer with each thrust of our bodies.

I broke off our kiss as I started to clench around him. He wanted to see me cum and I wanted him to see. I looked deep in his eyes and mumbled his name right before my world collapsed around me and my vision went white. I was sure I was making noises that the neighbors.. or hell, people a few floors down could hear but I couldn't care.

As I started to come down I looked back into Jasper's eyes and saw…. Adoration. I never felt more adored than I did in that moment. "You're beautiful," he whispered as he dropped his head and finally reached his climax. His whole body went rigid and shook with the intensity of it and when it was finally over he collapsed on top of me. I didn't mind; I loved the way his weight felt on me.

After he recovered he looked up at me and just stared into my eyes. My impossible amount of lust had dissipated with our activities and I hoped that he couldn't feel my emotions any more. I didn't think I could admit even to myself what I was feeling.

"That was," Jasper stared to say but stopped, unable to find the words.

"Right," I finally whispered. "That felt so damn right." Jasper merely nodded his head.

That wasn't our only coupling that night. Our second time was on the bed, missionary position again. I rode him on the couch our third time. Our fourth… well our fourth was something that should be illegal in most countries. In our fifth I tasted him and our six he tasted me. After a long day our seventh was back on the bed with jasper on top, controlling our impossibly slow pace. We reached our climaxes together and decided to fall 'asleep'.

Right before my mind shut down my only thought was, "This changes…. Everything."


	11. Chapter 11

AN- Sorry this took so long to get posted up, but school has been nuts and my son takes up a lot of my time. He just took his first steps by the way, very exciting for a parent. Anyway we have some aftermath from last chapter's lemon as well as some major realizations from Bella's past. As always, let me know what you think. I love everyone's commentary.

Disclaimer- Don't own, all SM's!

Kay Maria

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I was roused from my sleeping state to the feel of strong arms wrapping around my waste. I hadn't realized that Jasper and I were spooning while asleep and it brought a smile to my face. I hadn't actually done this in so long.

Jasper pulled me to his chest and kept me in his tight embrace. He put his nose in the crook of my neck and took a deep breath. I didn't know if he was still in his sleeping state or if he was wide awake. It didn't really matter though; I would have it either way.

However after a few seconds Jasper started to ground his groin into my backside and I couldn't help but chuckle. I knew vampires were generally insatiable but damn.

I started to turn in his embrace but he held me tight making it relatively impossible. "Jasper… we need to get up," I whispered, knowing he would hear me.

He groaned loudly and only held me closer. "Five more minutes," he mumbled, snuggling into my neck once again.

"You know, if I didn't know you any better I would think you were actually asleep," I chuckled as I gently removed myself from his embrace and turned to face him.

He blinked his eyes open a few times before he met my gaze and smiled. He reached out and grabbed me again so we were now snuggling face to face. "If I didn't know any better I would say that I was. I feel so relaxed and peaceful. I don't ever want to get out of this bed," he admitted groggily as he closed his eyes again.

I laughed and pulled out of his embrace yet again and went to turn on the light. I got out of the bed and took an unnecessary large stretch. I heard a groan and I looked over at Jasper on the bed.

"Baby if you're gonna do that while naked then I'm going to be forced to pull you back here and finish what you're starting." Jasper actually smirked at me and eyed me suggestively. I had forgotten that I hadn't put clothes on after our last session.

Thinking about last night was kind of like having cold water thrown on my face. I had sex with Jasper. We had steamy, hot, passionate… okay I need to stop thinking about that right now. What did this mean? Did he really want this? Was it just because of him feeling my lust? Did I really want this?

Jasper's face suddenly turned serious and he eyed me curiously. "Are you okay Isabella? What's wrong?"

"I just… what we… I mean… Jesus Jasper what are we going to do now?" I responded.

"About what?" he replied, clearly confused. I couldn't blame him; I was confused as well.

"What do you mean about what? About us after what just happened last night, and morning, and afternoon. Jesus what time is it?"

Jasper ignored my last question. He sat up in the bed with the covers covering his very delicious naughty parts. If only it would creep down… no Bella, bad vampire. Eyes above the waist.

"What do you want to happen Isabella?"

"Um… I believe I asked you first. Doesn't that mean that you have to answer first. I believe those are the rules," I replied while bumbling anxiously.

"What rules?"

"I don't know, it's from…like kindergarten or something. Stop evading the question."

"I don't regret it if that's what you mean. Please… please tell me you don't regret it either." His face pleaded with me to not deny his request. Of course I didn't regret it. It was one of the best nights of my life. I was just about to tell him so when we heard three loud knocks on the front door.

Both of our faces tilted towards the door and I moved to go open it. I still had my sheet on so at least I was covered. Jasper seemed less then pleased to be interrupted during out conversation and went to grab pants on the floor to be more presentable. The thought that he wasn't wearing underwear did cross my mind, but I couldn't let myself dwell on it.

I could smell him before I reached the door. Part of me thought answering the door with a sheet would probably set him off. A bigger part of me thought that I couldn't care less. I opened the door and looked into the shocked face of our visitor.

"Hello Edward." I responded.

Edward had his eyes trained on my attire for entirely too long so I cleared my throat to get his attention. He immediately lifted his gaze and looked… well furious, lustful, confused. It was all written on his face. I couldn't believe that he was so difficult for me to read all those years ago.

"So are you coming in or…" I started, hoping he could get his thought processes together. It was kind of annoying standing with the door open.

Edward entered the apartment wordlessly and set himself down on the couch. He sniffed the air and then immediately jumped off the couch. What the hell was his problem?

I looked at him questioningly and he responded, "That couch smells like… well you… and Jasper… and a lot of other things that make me not want to sit on it." I nodded my understanding. That couch did get a good workout last night.

"So I guess you found someone to help you out last night." He smirked, but it wasn't joyfully. He was pissed.

"And what if I did. I believe you gave up the right to care who 'helps me out' a long time ago Edward." I smiled back at him and sat down on the offending couch.

"I know," he finally conceded. "It's just… difficult to see, or in this case smell." We sat in silence a little longer until he finally raised his voice. "Do you think you could put some clothes on for this conversation? I may be married, but you are rather distracting." I heard a faint growl from the bedroom as I conceded and left to put clothes on.

As I opened the bedroom door I was met with a furious Jasper. "You okay?" I asked cautiously. He really didn't look like he was in the right mindset.

"Sure. Fine. I have an incredible night in which I feel things that I have never felt before with this beautiful, emotionally unavailable girl. In the morning I ask if she regrets it and instead of answering she greets her ex-boyfriend in nothing but a practically see through sheet. Why wouldn't I be fine?" Jasper rambled on not meeting my gaze. He paced around the room like a caged animal who badly wanted to be set free.

"What are you talking about?" I was confused. He told the events accurately but I didn't see any reason for his hostility.

Jasper finally looked at me, shocked by my stupidity. "I'm talking about you Bella, and Edward… and how you regret last night and then go off with him."

"Okay first of all don't call me Bella. How many times do we have to go over this?"

"You didn't seem to mind it last night when my cock was…"

"Stop right there or so help me you will be in pieces in seconds. Secondly, you are ridiculously overreacting. Edward just came here. I had no idea he was coming. I came in here to put on some clothes. Why are you so upset about this?"

Jasper took a big breath and exhaled. "Just… just give me something that tells me that last night meant something… anything to you. I feel so strongly for you yet I feel like I don't know you at all. No one knows you Isabella. You say you don't want to be lonely but you won't let anyone in. After what we did last night you still won't let me in. Just give me something to keep my sanity and let me know that even a small part of you wants this too."

I stood in shock at Jasper's rant. What did he want? To let me in? "What do you want to know?" I finally asked.

"Anything, just give me something," he pleaded while closing the distance between us.

I thought for a few seconds. What could I give. As we sat there still not fully dressed I knew I had the perfect thing. I looked him in the eyes and let the sheet go. I slowly traced my left arm with my right index finger. "These scars… they were made by a werewolf, and I loved him… very, very much."

Jasper stood and stared at me with a blank expression for over a minute. I could faintly hear Edward in the living room cursing.

"A werewolf," Jasper finally said, showing no emotion. I simply just nodded.

"That you loved?" he tried to clarify and I nodded again.

"You said you wanted something Jasper. Well there you go. No one knows that, not even Felix. No Aro or the guard or anyone. Just you… and maybe Edward. Probably Edward."

"This scar was made after you changed Isabella. You are telling me that you, as a vampire, loved a werewolf… who tried to tear you to shreds based on your arm."

"It was an accident," I spat back. I wouldn't have anyone blame my wolf for this. It was purely an accident that could have happened to anyone.

"What? He accidently tried to claw your arm off?" Jasper replied back showing his anger. Yet again, where the hell is all this hostility coming from?

"Jasper, don't make assumptions based on shit you don't know. If you won't trust me when I say it was an accident, then you can go to hell."

"I just… please explain this because at the moment it is pretty incomprehensible to me. Wait… werewolves. Where would you come in contact with werewolves? I thought the guard destroyed them all?" Jasper asked clearly confused.

The bedroom door opened suddenly with an enraged Edward on the other side. I quickly picked up the sheet and covered myself. "What the hell Edward?"

"Werewolves, Ms. Black. All I know is that we made a treaty with one Ephraim Black about two centuries ago in Forks. You remember this. I told you we couldn't go to La Push. So do you think you can explain the coincidence of your last name matching a werewolf predecessor who lived seventy years before you were born?" Edward accused while holding his position, his eyes never leaving mine.

Jasper turned to face me as well, seemingly forgetting that aspect of his life.

"What do you want me to say?" I finally said while holding Jasper's gaze and ignoring Edward. Instead of Jasper answering, Edward piped up again.

"I want you to explain how your last name fits the same last name as a werewolf who was alive before you were born. You said you were in love with a werewolf and he practically destroyed you. I want you to explain the connection."

I let out a large unnecessary breath. "It may have been possible… that the werewolves came back… and that I found out about them soon after you left."

"What do you mean 'came back'?" Jasper finally asked.

"I don't know. Their theory was that since you guys came back a recessive werewolf gene became dormant and the boys started turning into wolves again… and one girl," I added the last part on. Had to be fair to Leah. "You guys left before you found out apparently."

"Are you telling me that Edward left in order to protect you, while there was an entire pack of young werewolves right next door?" Jasper asked while glaring at Edward.

"How was I supposed to know?" was his defense.

"You are such an ignorant piece of sh…"Jasper spat out

"Hey," I interrupted them. "Off topic guys. It didn't matter that Edward left to protect me or not. The wolves protected me in his stead."

"Obviously, just look at your arm. Loads of protection right?" Jasper sarcastically commented.

"They did more for me than you could ever imagine," I spat back. "Who do you think found me in the woods when Edward left me to die? Who do you think brought me back from the brink when the only thing I could think about doing was ending it all to stop the pain? Who do you think saved me from Laurent? Or Victoria?" I practically screamed at them. I hadn't discussed these things in such a long time that they felt like they were going to explode from my chest.

Edward looked shocked and devastated by my rant while Jasper just looked… sad.

"Look, I don't want to talk about this anymore alright. Jasper you wanted something, well there you go. Honestly right now, I don't think I can give much more and the way you are acting I'm not quite sure you would be worth it."

I dropped my sheet again not caring in the slightest and walked over to the dresser and grabbed some clothes. I put them on quickly and finally turned back around. The boys were still in the same spot as before, neither of them moving.

"I'm leaving. I'll be back later." I called out while exiting the room.

"Isabella, I came here to talk to you about… well about what happened before, to apologize." Edward stammered out as he came out of the room as well.

"Edward, can we do this later. I'm not in any sort of mood for this. Can we talk when I get back?" I asked.

"Sure," he finally said sounding defeated. I nodded my agreement and quickly left. I may not be an empath or a mind reader, but I had a feeling that we all had just be mind-fucked, and I for one needed a break.

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So what do you think? Thanks to all the great reviewers!!


	12. Chapter 12

Hello all!!

Thanks to everyone for all of the wonderful reviews. I think I didn't respond to a few of yours last chapter but I would like to say thank you and I will get better about that.

Anyway on to chapter 12 where Bella has to re-live some harsh stuff. I hope you enjoy

Kay Maria

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By the time I came back to the loft I had no idea how long I had been away. I spent my time away walking the streets of New York and alone with my thoughts. I didn't realize how hard it would be to talk about all of these painful things again. I had thought about the events of my past constantly over the years. But thinking about them and actually saying them to another person were two totally different things, especially when one of those people isn't really on your good list at the moment.

I felt exposed and a little betrayed. It wasn't their fault but I felt that by talking about my past that I was tainting it in some way. Who are they to know what happened? They left, why should they care? What gives them the right? All of these angry questions filtered through my head as I walked the streets alone.

I knew I was being bitter and indignant, but a part of me couldn't help the tailspin I was going down. Talking about the a man I loved in front of a man whom I thought I had loved years ago and a man I wasn't sure how the hell I felt about now was proving to be incredibly difficult. Part of me just wanted to keep walking and never return to that damn loft.

However, the more that I walked and thought, the more I came to a consensus. These were the Cullens, and no matter how crappy my past with them was, I knew that they still cared about me. Some albeit more than others, but they still cared. And Edward did say he came to apologize. After I while I realized I was just… tired. Tired of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, tired of being alone, tired of having secrets, tired of feeling sad all the time. I just wanted to feel… lighter, like all of this is more manageable.

Maybe now isn't the best time or the best place, but the opportunity presented itself and I decided to break down a few of my walls and let someone in. Before my courage had a chance to leave me, I headed back to the loft.

I opened the door and found Jasper and Edward sitting in the living room on opposite sofas. No one made a move or sound as I entered and went to join them. I had a choice of sitting next to Edward or Jasper, and in my head it was no contest. I didn't know what this thing with Jasper was, but I was calmed by him presence, the closer the better. Silence filled the apartment so I decided to step up first.

"I'm sorry about leaving. I just… had to think for a while. Bringing all of this back up is not easy." Jasper sighed and brought his arm around my back and squeezed my shoulder. I instinctively leaned into his embrace, his scent calming me down further. Edward, on the other hand, did not look calmer, but at least maintained his cool.

"I… I wanted to apologize for the way that I have been treating you Bel..Isabella. I know that you have done nothing to deserve my anger. It's just that after I left I was so, so angry. I wandered around the world for decades before finally rejoining my family. Eventually it became easier to hate you for doing this to me than me for doing this to myself. Tanya helped out. She… she wanted me even when I didn't want myself. We both know we're not each other's mates, but she made me feel better and for now that's something." Edward finally spoke shocking the hell out of me. Was he really letting me off the hook?

"When I saw you again all of those feeling came back up and I couldn't stop what was coming out of my mouth. I was so angry again, but this time at you. Why would you plague my thoughts so? Why couldn't I leave you alone? And then my second thought was that you were a vampire. I thought that maybe you didn't really want me but only immortality and that only spurred my anger on further.

"I was always worried, even all those years ago, that my family and I were just some sort of novelty to you. A way to achieve life forever, and that if I did change you, you wouldn't want me anymore. When I saw you as a vampire, all of those feelings came back to. Does that make sense?" He asked. For most of his speech his eyes were on the floor but towards the end he lifted his gaze to meet mine.

I nodded minutely at his question and he sighed. "It makes sense Edward, but your anger however much it makes sense, still hurts. I have done nothing to you or your family yet I am the bad guy. Not only am I abandoned but I am also detested by people who said they would love me forever. So you may understand why your anger is not so easy to completely forgive," I responded calmly. I wasn't mad at Edward, I just didn't think we would be braiding each other's hair anytime soon.

Edward only nodded but looked a little sad. He probably hoped for my unwavering approval and acceptance of his apology. Too bad things have changed.

"Well I originally came here to apologize, but if its okay with you, I would like to ask you a few questions… about what happened to you after we left," Edward commented. "If it helps I know Jasper is curious as well." He had the audacity to smirk at his comment while Jasper just stiffened next to me. I looked up at him and he gave me apathetic eyes, telling me I didn't have to do this.

"That's fine. What do you want to know?" I asked, looking back at Edward.

"Well for starters, how did you get the name Black?"

"You were somewhat right about your assumption earlier. Ephraim Back was the werewolf that you made a treaty with all those years ago. Jacob Black was his descendant, and I believe that might know of him."

"He was Charlie's friend's son right? He bought the car from him? He told you about us?" Edward asked and I simply nodded.

"Is he the werewolf that you loved?" Jasper asked quietly from my side.

"Yes," I said not wanting to deny it. My time with Jacob was never something I would deny to anyone.

"What happened," Edward asked.

"That… is a long story," I answered looking down on the floor.

"Well last time I checked we were immortal so I think we have the time," Edward smirked at me and I couldn't help but smile. It was nice to see him not brimming with anger. I could get used to this side of Edward.

"Alright, you asked for it. When you left me all of those years ago, I tried to go after you, hopelessly I might add. I eventually succumbed to my grief and passed out on the forest floor." Jasper and Edward both grimaced at my retelling of events.

"Sam, I didn't know at the time but he was the pack alpha, found me and brought me back home. After that I was in a deep depression for a long time, but Jacob helped to pull me out of it. We started hanging out a lot, just as friends although he wanted more. Eventually Jacob started to distance himself and acting weird, only to find out later that he became a werewolf.

"The time went on and I grew to love Jacob very much. He was might light after you left, Edward, and it was only through him that I could move on at all. We eventually fell in love and became inseparable. One thing led to another and we were finally ready to take things to a more… physical level. " Jasper and Edward both growled but I continued on.

"However, before I was ready to finally… do that… I thought that I needed to say goodbye to you first. I decided to trek up to our meadow so I could see it one final time and tell you that I was moving on and I knew you were never coming back.

"Once I got to our meadow, I realized I wasn't alone."

"Laurent," Edward interrupted and I nodded.

"He was just passing through and said it was his luck that he stumbled upon me. As you already know he tried to kill me but the pack came and killed him before he could finish. However, they were too late and my change was inevitable.

"I don't remember much about the next few days except for the pain and how Jacob would leave me know that I was his enemy."

"Is that when he attacked you?" Jasper asked with a hint of anger in his voice.

I shook my head. "No. When I woke up I realized that I was still in the forest, but Jacob was right beside me along with a few members of the pack to make sure I didn't want to eat anyone. When I awoke, I didn't have any bloodlust. Sure I could smell the blood and it smelled good, but it wasn't this all encompassing need. My eyes weren't even red at first, but very bright shade of honey.

"Once they realized I wasn't a threat Jacob told me that he still loved me and as long as I as a vegetarian that we could be together, no matter what his pack thought… and that he would get over the smell eventually," I added while laughing. "He held me that entire night while I cried without tears.

"Jacob took a lot of flack about being with me from certain members of the pack, but he took it all in stride and never wavered from me. He was always by my side. Our love only grew."

"So then, what happened?" Jasper questioned with his brows furrowed. Edward didn't look much different.

"Word got out to Victoria about Laurent's death as well as the pack. She started to create an army of newborns to attack the pack and me. We could only keep track based on high death tolls in Seattle and other surrounding cities. She eventually became brave and came to fight us. Jake…" I eventually chocked on my final words. This is where it got hard. Jasper started running smooth circle on my shoulder to ease me.

"Jake didn't want me to go but of course I insisted. Victoria had it out mainly for me and during the fight she got an opportunity. Just as she was about to strike, Jacob immediately phased and went to protect me. His phasing so close to me is what gave me these scars. My venom was pooling everywhere but I couldn't take my idea off of the fight in front of me. Then it all happened so fast, but before I knew it Victoria had Jake by his neck and she ripped it off," another chocked sob escaped me.

"She just tore it off right in front of my face. The blood was… everywhere. I was so close it coated my skin and I swore it would be permanently stained. It mixed with my venom and got in my bloodstream. I wish I could forget but I never will. That image haunts me daily, even if I do my best to try and forget it. Sam quickly stepped in and killed Victoria and the fight was over. We lost Embry and Jake while all of them were destroyed."

"Oh Isabella," Edward sighed looking devastated.

"That's why I don't like being called Bella. Bella was Jake's and she was his. When he died, something very large died inside me as well. I couldn't stand to be around the pack anymore, which was fine with most of them; they felt that Victoria killing their pack brothers was my doing ultimately. So I left and became someone other than Bella." I sighed heavily and leaned further into Jasper's embrace. He was only happy to oblige me and hold me to him.

"Isabella, I am so sorry we left you to this all to yourself. You could have used… someone to help get through this and you were all alone. I have never been more sorry for our departure than I am right now," Jasper whispered into my forehead although everyone could hear him just fine.

"It's not your fault. I have come to find that life never turns out the way you planned. If you had never left I would have never fallen in love with Jake, and loving him is something I will never regret."

We sat there without saying anything for longer than I could tell. After some time, I realized that Edward had left, leaving Jasper and me alone together. For the first time I had finally barred my sole to another and Jasper had not judged me or disgusted by me. Instead he sat next to me as I dealt with my internal turmoil.

I didn't know what this thing with Jasper was. I didn't know where to go from here or what would happen or even what should happen. All I know is that nothing ever felt more right than being in his arms.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Okay so what do you think? She still has a few more secrets to tell but that was a lot to get off her chest.

Coming up soon we have an Alice and Bella reunion as well as the whole family getting together again.

As always, thanks for reviewing and reading.

- Kay Maria


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